In case you didn’t know, I’m ancient years old, (37.5 rockin’ years on this planet ) and have been single for some time now: 2 years, 8 months, and 17 days at the moment this post was written. And to be brutally honest, I’ve spent more time out of relationship than I’ve been in a relationship in this lifetime.
I do desire magnificent partnership. . . I think life just had other plans for me.
I’ve certainly made an effort. I promise I am not hiding in my house writing change-your-life-posts all day. I’ve said yes to some dates I probably should have said no to (I love how hind sight is like, “yup, your intuition is on fire girrl”). I’ve done some internet dating, once, maybe twice, but, NEV. ER. A. GAIN.
I’m open. I make time. But, I never push.
In fact, I so deeply trust that I’ll KNOW, and that it WILL happen when the time is right for both of us, that I just keep enjoying the hell out of cultivating the deepest, most trusting, relationship I can have with myself, and then watching how that permeates into loving friendships and circumstances in my life NOW.
But, I am human.
There have been a few times over the last two years where I have said to the Universe: “I’m ready already. I’ve done the inner work. I just want to feel my love in action with another human being.”
And then Life laughs at me again: there is more to let go of, there is more to surrender, there are more depths of taking care of me that are being explored.
So last year I made a deal with the Universe. Did you know you can make those?. I said “my magnificent partner is going to have to freaking fall out of the freaking sky, because this making-it-happen-dating-stuff feels gross!”
The ironic thing was, after that deal, I had more dates with men that I more deeply resonated with, and quite literally they were freaking falling out of the freaking sky.
Even when my mind wanted to fit them into a box, I never pushed. Each one got closer to a soulful match. Each one showed me the Universe is way more creative than I am. Each one felt like more cosmic sorting and affirmation: trust yourself, then just show up.
I know it’s hard when you desire something; when you are ready for what you want to happen faster.
It can feel like the voids and spaciousness are just there for your personal torture. And, damn-it, you’ve put in the work.
It almost seems like a test: “Can I surrender? Align? Live in integrity more than I already am?”
Yes. The answer is yes.
Because if it’s not happening, most likely you aren’t ready, or you need to trust that the physical world takes a little bit of time to bring stuff together, because. . . HELLO! matter is dense, and there are more lives than just yours involved here.
Aside from learning more patience and surrender, check in, make sure you aren’t
desperate attached to said think happening.
“Am I truly ready? Am I truly happy without it? Do I really feel I deserve said thing? Can I let go of it happening the way I want it too?”
The circumstance, or status, or relationship can not be what we derive our wholeness and happiness from – that power can only be found deeply within.
I won’t ever give up my deepest heart’s desires, and you don’t have to either, but there is always more perfection, love, and truth to find in the present moment.
When we fall in love with our lives now we are much more open, receptive and magnetic to the highest YES in our life to occur, as opposed to grasping through wounding, or chasing through desperation, or manipulating without heart.
Trust the beautiful mystery of things unfolding and find more compassion and love for your fears. Keep asking: “How do I surrender more? Show me what I need to see? I’m here with my eyes, ears, and heart wide open.”
Dedicate your life to the delicate balance between allowing, receiving and putting one foot in front of the other, then watch what miracles start to occur. They do start to occur.
Learn to trust yourself and your life.
Show up for the process of your unfolding.
And be hopelessly devoted to the purest desire you have: to love yourself more from within.
You are the one you’ve been waiting for.
defensive side-note: When I was in my late twenties (when dating really starts to count) I was in survival mode with a host of medical issues and could have cared less about dating. Then my thirties come around, and half of the people I knew who married in their early twenties were getting divorced, I was grateful that I had waited. I have had three significant relationships in this lifetime, one of them when I was 19 and didn’t know anything about relationship. The next one was abusive and showed me my blind spots and where I needed to heal to prepare for true union. The other one only lasted 8 weeks because in his words “he wasn’t ready to put his big-boy pants on.” I was grateful for his honesty, but more grateful for the opportunity to see how I had changed in romantic relationships.
I don’t make lists of “need to haves” or manifesting boards for my love life. I am absolutely humbled and in awe by the selection of men whose path’s I’ve crossed, and I am excited to see what the next one looks like.
All Love. All Truth.