Letting go of the things you need to let go of, and be happy!

Letting go of the things you need to let go of, and be happy!

 

I’ve let go of a lot in my life.

I’ve let go of toxic relationships, of businesses, of homes, of opportunities that weren’t in alignment. Of TV. Of whole food groups. Of repressed emotions. Oh-my-gah! Repressed emotions.

I’m still learning to let go of the need to control my health and my body. I’m still learning To. Just. Let. Go.

Breathe. It does gets easier. Especially when we understand what we are avoiding.

Letting go can be uncomfortable AND heart breaking.

Moving into the unknown puts us face to face with our deepest fears and sometimes suppressed emotions. That’s why we don’t like it. It brings up stuff!

We are conditioned and wired to seek comfort, love, safety and security through attachments to things, people, and predictable outcomes. Unfortunately, it’s an illusion that any kind of comfort, love, and security reside somewhere outside of us.

Life changes quickly, whether we want it to or not. Sometimes change starts imperceptibly, sometimes with the fires of life that burn everything to the ground so you have to start anew.

It is totally acceptable and life affirming to seek out our soul’s resonance in uplifting, expansive, and creative situations. But it’s soul sucking and life-force leaching to be at war with yourself, or to deny deeper layers of your own light-filled-truth.

If holding onto a job, addiction, habit, distraction, ideology, guru, or person is draining, keeping you small, or holding you back, the Universe has a built in megaphone nudging you with little omens, wake-up calls, and divinely timed storms to get your attention.

The question is, are you awake enough to listen?

Chaos, turmoil, and discord don’t show up as punishment, but to gift us with the opportunity to choose more Truth, more heart, more love, more aligned actions and circumstances.

If you feel paralyzed, held hostage, or emotionally triggered when confronted with letting go of that thing you don’t want to let go of – please, the last thing you need to do is judge, berate, or shame yourself for wanting to hold on.

Instead, acknowledge the underlying truth you are scared of facing: “I’m afraid I’ll always be alone”, “I’m afraid I’ll never be successful”, “I’m afraid I’m not supported”, “I’m afraid I’ll be a failure”, “I’m afraid of feeling lost and sad for forever.”

Underneath the discomfort when you finally show up for yourself and speak up for ALL your truths out loud, there is healing, release, and renewal, and as a result a stronger sense of connection with your heart and soul.

Letting go is how we grow.

Letting go creates spaciousness that brings more answers and holds new connections the mind can’t conceive. If forces us to meet ourselves; to sift through the murky terrain of our being, and prepares us for gifts to come.

The harder we cling, the more we are in a state of internal fear and lack, the more inwardly we should explore.

Make the practice of letting go a game. Delight in the curiosity of soul-excavation.

Peeling back layers of more heart-aligned truths is never totally comfortable, in fact it sometimes hurts to face ourselves and release emotional baggage, or grieve old ways that don’t work for us anymore.

But if you can LET GO while you simultaneously HOLD A SPACE for yourself, lovingly and compassionately feeling your heart breaking as you release the comfort zones, the habits, the routines, the relationships, the addictions, and the things that you KNOW don’t really serve you anymore – the cracks you open up, are how the light gets in.

The heart opens up, comes alive, beats harder, gets stronger, and says: “Thank you for being on my side!”

Our minds seek to separate us from the Truth, our heart asks us to remember the Truth, our soul says, “Whenever you are ready, I AM the Truth.”

Light and Love

Megyn

 

The pain of letting go is healing, whereas the pain of staying somewhere you aren't truly valued is destructive.
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

Letting romantic relationships go: How to love without attachment

Letting romantic relationships go: How to love without attachment

Remember that wonderful human being I met a few months ago?

We parted ways, and for the first time in my adult life, I experienced a happy ending through an ending.

Not like pop-the-cork-off-the-champagne-bottle happy. There was disappointment and other normal human emotions to process – but It was the most sane, adult, and loving breakup I’ve ever had.

No long, drawn out, back-and-forth. No hysteria. Just respect and honesty.

Not everyone is supposed to stay forever.

As my Buddhist friend likes to say to me, “Megyn the success of a relationship has nothing to do with the length of time that you are in the relationship, but whether or not you and the other person can leave each other better human beings”

This sounds really evolved, selfless, and new-agey right? But what if you are really looking for love? The forever kind?

A quick lesson in love today. Just a little reminder.

*The purest form of love, the only kind I’m interested in, is eternal; love never dies.

*No one can love you, cherish you, or adore you enough if you aren’t already a resource of these things from within. Anything else is neediness. And the relationships we cultivate from a self love deficit will always be an opportunity for us to evaluate and choose how to love ourselves more.

*You can only give, receive, and feel loved to the extent that you able to give, receive, and feel love from deep inside of yourself.

*And sometimes – Love isn’t enough.

So… what if we stopped looking for love, and instead started looking for deep, soulful resonance?

What if we could love, love unconditionally, wholeheartedly, purely, and unselfishly without being attached? Could relationships work?

Would they have the same meaning? The same depth? The same purity, intensity, and quality without having to have it our way? Without clinging out of fear that this will be the last one that will ever work out?

Ummm, Yes! BIG YES!

When we deeply sense our own inherent value and are steeped in our own nourishment, we come into union awake with our eyes, ears and heart open which is how we cultivate relationships of great harmony, of great growth, and of great work. Yes, even when they don’t work out.

When two people are whole and fully resourced from within, they can emit love without taking, shrinking, neediness, or grasping.

Whether or not someone loves us back is irrelevant. It does not diminish what we already have.

This is not to say that breakups are supposed to be painless. There will always be emotions and feelings to process around lost connection, missing a companion, and unfulfilled dreams.

Without judgment and with total self-compassion, you can responsibly honor your own grieving process, but in the end, you will not feel a lack of love or take another person’s lack of love personally.

Ideally, relationship is a dance; a joyful, exciting, journey of discovery; an opportunity for love to fertilize two souls within a container (the relationship) that then allows two people to grow and expand, becoming stronger and more illuminated than they were before.

Sometimes, unfortunately, how much each person is able to expand is limited.

When we get caught in the trap of forcing “this one to be it” is when we can’t see that one, or both people in the relationship is not thriving in the container.

How long the other person is able to meet you where you are at is outside of your power.

Each soul has their own timeline, their own lessons, and their own path. There is absolutely nothing you can do, say, or become to push, pull or force another person’s truth to match up with yours.

The truth of another person’s path will reveal itself in layers with ease and clarity if you aren’t blinded by the need to make love fit into a box.

To love another is to understand, honor, and acknowledge that if another person’s happiness is in pursuing their own truth and happiness outside of relationship with you, then to truly love them is to set them free and sometimes to set yourself free too.

Your only responsibility is to cultivate and go deeper into choosing more love and what that means for you without compromising your values or your divine worth.

But what about the “happy ending?”

This is the great dilemma of romantic love: “Tell me I won’t get hurt”, “Tell me this is the one”, “Make it last forever… and. make. it. magical.”

Ironically, where love exists, in it’s purest form, is not strictly born out of the happily ever after story.

Relationships work best when we see them as gifts in our lives and opportunities to grow as opposed to things that we own, need to manage or have to have until ‘death do us part.’

Essential to any successful relationship is a deep knowing of oneself to be complete outside of union with another.

In essence, we have to be connected to our own light.

If we fall short in any of those areas, our identity will project our stuff, our voids, our need to be needed, loved, rescued, and valued onto another person.

We won’t be able to show up in relationship authentically or fully seeing another person for who they are. We will project fantasies, be unable to discern what and what not they are capable of giving, and where we are not allowing a person to be an individual with their own values, path, and soul lessons.

The second we start looking at something or someone else as the source of our power: our validity, our joy, our self esteem; the second we need someone to be something different to make us happy – we forget what our truth and standards are; we let someone else hijack our self-esteem; we cling, project and actually cut ourselves off from the healthy flow of giving and receiving love that the Universe calls on us to experience.

When Love is at its fullest it is not linear, rigid or able to be contained. It’s something that is so deep within us, that it naturally overflows and finds resonance in our life.

Okay, okay – I know, “get down off your eternal love high horse, talk to me like I’m human.”

Falling in love can be a helluva drug: the chemicals, the excitement, the future possibilities — Intoxicating.

Connection and partnership are beautiful places for growth, for deeper connection, to witness our own love in action, for gateways into the next stage of our EVOLution.

But when we use (consciously or unconsciously) relationships as a supplement to the one we don’t have with ourselves, or we sacrifice our integrity at the expense of staying in a partnership, we are setting ourselves up for chaos, interesting lessons, depletion and sometimes destruction – all of which can be helpful.

It’s not that there is a “right” kind of love, “right” way to date, or a correct relationship. Everyone is here for our greatest good and to move us forward if we are willing to make choices. It’s just that there are more nourishing, fulfilling, soulful ways to enter into intimate partnership.

Revolutionary new way forward: I promise to myself, when I enter into intimate relationship, instead of looking for “the one”, trying to figure it all out, retracting in fear of getting hurt – I am open to allowing deep, soulful, resonance to be my new love standard. I’m saying yes to reciprocal love, authentic kindness and respect – for as long as we both are growing.

I feel and receive love more deeply, openly, and honestly than I ever did before. I have loved with more purity and acceptance from afar than I ever used to in relationship. I have let many go in the name of loving myself more, and in turn have received love back — ten fold.

I also see and accept people in their wholeness: in their complete messy humanity, in their glory, in their vulnerabilities, in their gifts, in their limitations, because I don’t need them to be anything other than what they are.

This is our power. From here we make choices. We can discern: More of the same? or do I wish to create something different? From here we unconditionally love without attachment and allow love to unfold her own miracles instead of forcing our own will.

What is born out of love, can only lead to more love.

When we can love freely and allow souls to come and go as need be, it replaces blindness, neediness, and if-then-love with bountiful, sacred spaces for free-flowing growth, nourishment, and kindness which in the end feels more abundant, peaceful and nourishing.

What matters most to me in relationship now is: Did I love them with purity, for who they were? Am I a better person after the experience? Did I honor their humanity and mine with honesty, respect, and kindness? Did I stay true to me? And hopefully, did I leave the other person well?

Ultimately, you are the one you’ve been waiting for.

Everything else is just Grace; a gift; a cosmic high five.

My deepest wish for all of you is that as you grow and EVOLve deeper into your own love; as your light shines brighter, that the love that beams back to you shines brighter too.

 


 

Postscript:
It’s taken me over two months to write this. I never thought that writing about something like intimate love would make me feel so vulnerable and exposed.

I recognize that love and relationship is a touchy subject because we are all at different stages in our own EVOLution (that’s love backward by the way) and therefor we have varying degrees of tolerance for someone else telling us what they believe love to be.

After having experienced the embodiment of all the principles I preach: self-love, letting go, staying present, taking nothing personally and allowing other souls their own path, I can not believe that what I used to experience in relationship I believed was love at all.

Understand, I absolutely believe in commitment, truth, kindness, compassion and respect.

I believe in love, even the ‘until death do we part’ kind and I would never advocate running, ejecting or escaping from partnership just because the “going gets tough.” That is a very personal decision and unique to each situation, which I can not possibly address within the scope of one article.

But, what I am proposing and advocating is an exploration into your own reasons for looking for and staying in relationship. I am inviting you to explore your own self-love gaps and look at opportunities to heal those from within, without making someone responsible for your own happiness.

I am stating that I believe that anything less than mutual respect, consideration, and kindness are not particularly loving and it is up to you to make choices that resonate with more love in your life without changing someone.

I wrote this post not with a heavy heart, but ironically, feeling more loved than I ever have before and more sure about my relationship future because for the first time in my dating life I was able to show up with a soft, open heart, without attachment; seeing another clearly, while staying honest about what was true and good for me.

Take what resonates, leave the rest.

All Love. All Truth.

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet while I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Get exclusive love notes and for your eyes only updates, stock my Instagram, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness.

A story about healing, dating, and knowing they’re not “the one.” (Love without attachment)

A story about healing, dating, and knowing they’re not “the one.” (Love without attachment)

Once upon a time…I found myself dating a magnificent human being.

After being in a self-imposed, much needed, healing dating desert, it would have been easy to make this easy, deep, soulful connection fit into “the one” box.

But I knew that this would taint the relationship with projections into the future; with contortions and tight-rope walking to make it fit into my limited thinking of what was possible, and in doing so I’d miss out on the beauty of what was unfolding now.

I also knew that I’d have to stay fully present in order to not chase fairy tales and to trust myself as we progressed through whatever was meant to come.

I wanted to be fully present. I wanted to live in my openness and authenticity, in harmony with another human being, growing and becoming better than I was before — and yet I wanted to remain unattached.

I knew that would require keeping my controlling and predictive mind out of the equation.

I’m not saying it’s easy…

We’re human. We have desires. We have goals. We want to receive, achieve, accomplish certain things.

We want to know: “What does this mean? What will this look like? Where does this fit?”

So we set out: “I’m going to get it. I want it. This. Is. It.”

Egos like security, so when we see something that looks like this “is it” we get caught up in “this is it” hysteria. We will try to fit things into the limitations of our own minds. We will try to force square pegs into round holes.

And the truth of life is that as soon as we think we know “this is going to be it”, we chase, grasp, ignore, get lazy, manipulate, and project.

It’s why I have learned to loathe rigid, straight lines, dogma, boxes, and predictable outcomes.

This is not fear, laziness, or passivity – rather it’s dynamic receptivity and listening.

Attachment is static, rigid, and unyielding.

Don’t be fooled — spiritual practice, self-help, and consciousness teachings can still be illusions we cling to for more linear achieving and grasping.

We attend another seminar, read another book, hook into another thought leader, all just selling us a pretty box: our path to enlightenment, the man or woman of our dreams, or a get-rich-and-die-happy scheme.

I know, for 17 years I did it wrong. I had a master’s in my shit and a Ph.D. in positive thinking so I could be happy, secure, and loved.

All it did was create the illusion that I was the one who knew best; that I had control of the steering wheel; that if I raised my vibration and changed my thoughts then, BAM! everything is manifested rainbows and unicorn essence.

Instead, I was drowning in more constricted, one-dimensional thinking. I was shut off from myself and shut off from the infinite possibilities of divine timing, flow, and heart-centered connection that I yearned for, which ironically comes from feeling your way through life, not thinking.

It took a few hard lessons, but I learned that the only thing I knew for-sure-for-sure, was that I didn’t know anything with any certainty.

I became infinitely more powerful, more open, and more magnetic. I learned to love these four words: “you just never know.”

With this kind of unattached living, I truly understood surrender and being present: living in the moment instead of lining up in front of the universe with my shopping list saying, “look I’ve done my part now bring me what I want.”

I trusted there was something larger than me taking care of me.

If you want to be a co-captain, a vehicle, a conduit for infinite abundance and good, all you have to do is sign up and say “show me and use me for good.”

It won’t always be easy. It won’t always be painless. You will have to take inventory of your stuff, and see all the responsibilities in your life.

It won’t always come in the form you expect, but I promise life will send you the people and the lessons you need to prepare you.

You are infinitely more powerful and receptive when you take your hands off the throat of life; when you and stop controlling how it’s all going to end.

You are a supernova when you love and cherish yourself from the inside out, including your feelings and imperfect parts.

What can you do, what do you know?

Do the one thing you can do, which is put one foot in front of the other, in integrity what you’re up to in the world, in alignment with your worth, your inner nudges, and heart’s desires.

Chase integrity, authentic heartfelt action, nourishment, and Do. No. Harm. Ever!

This is what’s in service to the highest good of all involved. This is how the soul speaks. This is how we follow the heart trail leading you down the open, expansive, love filled path.

Does this mean your life path will look a little crooked? Yes.

Will you be racing to the finish line? No.

Will it look like other people have it together and you don’t? Sometimes, yes.

Will some people get It sooner? Perhaps. But look closer, what are they really getting?

I promise you life and relationships are a hell of a lot more interesting, nourishing, and loving when we realize we aren’t the only ones calling the shots. When we willingly hop into the passenger seat knowing there’s something greater than our limited thinking can conceive.

And as you live this way; as you ascend the fear based needs to control and predict and categorize, the mysteries of divine order become ever more apparent and beautiful, because you can see how being of service to this Loving Force, and not at odds with it, invites in magnificence, congruence, and creation on a whole other level.

And suddenly the universe is your playground and you are just playing, and everyone’s name sounds like Grace.

Important addendum, postscript, codicil: This relationship ended 8 weeks after it began. It was the first healthy, adult, respectful breakup I’d ever had. Because I was able to stay present, and not force my will or desires onto someone else, I was able to see we handled relationship different in a few key areas – so I gracefully let him go. Not everyone is supposed to stay forever. Here is part two on how to love without attachment.

All Love

Megyn

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

Start Your Day With This Powerful Mantra

Start Your Day With This Powerful Mantra

 

start your day with this powerful mantra www.megynblanchard.com

Dear God, Goddess, Divine Light and Love, show me what I most need to know now. I am open to anything that wants to happen in this day, moment, relationship, conversation, including that which is beyond my imagination.

It’s simple. It’s easy to remember and it gets the point across.

The creative loving force of the cosmos actually doesn’t need much guidance. I think The Divine already knows what we are asking and what we need without much pleading or explanation.

Isn’t that kind of what makes The Divine so, well – divine?

I say this prayer with the best of intentions to just be open. Just be receptive. Just let go.

It’s out there, in the ethereal mind, in the God-box. And life is vibrating for you.

No, I am not perfect. Yes, my mind wants to figure things out, make meaning or predict outcomes. But I’ve gotten to the point where I realize that most of the time, I actually don’t know much; and that if I can say this little prayer with deep trust and gratitude as if it’s already taken care of then go about my day – the most amazing and beautiful synchronicities occur.

The signs show up. The guideposts. The people, and sometimes the bull-horn-abandon-ship-omens.

Listen.

What this really is – surrender. It’s getting out of our own way. And I like it this way.

Time and time again I’ve thought I wanted or needed or knew something and God just laughs. Then I receive something way more beautiful. Something beyond the limitations of my mind. Something beyond my imagination.

So what’s your job?

Show up for your life. Really, show up from your heart. Move away from the fear based stories of your mind. Be kind to yourself and to others. Do no harm, ever, and you will see how magnificence and grace move through you.

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

 

The Paradox Of Letting Go — You Receive More

The Paradox Of Letting Go — You Receive More

 

The paradox of letting go, is you receive more.

Lettong go requires us to stop thinking so much, worrying so much, and just live in the spaciousness of your heart, your truth, and the ever-unfolding now.

The ever-unfolding now? What the hell does that mean?

As a logical, type A, over-achiever, this used to piss me off. It also seemed counter-intuitive. If I took my hands off the wheel of life I might be whisked away in the tide of failure land or amount to being mediocre at best.

You mean I don’t have to plot out every twist and turn? I shouldn’t worry about my future; try to at least guarantee my success?”

No, actually you don’t.

When I was in a twelve-step program there is a step which states: “We became willing to turn our lives and will over to the care of God as we understand him.” I found myself a tad resistant.

First of all, I’m spiritual, not religious. I believe in the end we will find we’ve been calling on the same source of Love, and turning my will over sounded like some proselytizing rhetoric I’d heard uttered before in the same sentence as hatred.

Second, I came from the mindset that everything I did mattered. I was a plan it out, goal-oriented kind of gal.

I was asked to chart out all the instances in my life, good or bad, that had been beneficial; that had been life-altering in a way that I couldn’t plan for. Times when the miracles unfolding could never have been of my own doing; when God or higher knowing was doing for me what I couldn’t do for myself. The list was long – and is forever growing.

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Which brings us back to the present moment. Letting go is about turning over your will, your ego, your spoiled and scared five-year-old representative who wants everything now, set in stone, guaranteed, and his own way.

Letting go is about being honest and responsible with the heart-centered self that speaks to you through feelings, guiding you one step at a time towards your highest path; that says this is harmful, this is fearful, this is not in service to LOVE.

Letting go is powerfully trusting in the present moment, which allows for the whispers of your heart to be your guide and compass.

It is not passive, rather it’s receptive, in that it asks the Universe, God, or whatever loving energy you choose uses you as a vehicle in service to the greatest good.

It signifies that you trust in a Love greater than your limited understanding and are willing to have faith in the unfolding; that you will be given great gifts, including the next step if you endeavor to listen earnestly to your heart.

If we are willing to open our eyes, unplug our ears and open our hands to both receiving and giving; if we can show up, choosing deeper levels of love in all circumstances, we will receive everything we need to awaken plus so much more.

We do not change the Divine Laws when we plow forward, head-strong, chasing and clinging to people and structures out of fear.

We do exercise our power when we choose to listen; when we discern what the next move should be in the moment.

Your Heart and Soul want to co-create with you – listen, they are patiently calling you.

I love hearing from you, comment below or share if you think this will help someone.

All Love,

Meg

LIving in your truth is less about making shit happen and more about letting shit go.

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Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

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