How to find your happy place when the shit is hitting the fan.

How to find your happy place when the shit is hitting the fan.

In spite of all our meditating, deep breathing and positive thinking, sometimes our best efforts to come back to center and “feel better” just don’t work. Sometimes the chaos, the stress, or the a@%hole on the freeway really do steal our serenity.

We’ve all been there, in between “What else can go wrong?”, “I’m not sure I can keep it together,” and the self-help fairies whispering in your ear: “Don’t stay in this place. You’ll attract more negativity into your life. You are bigger than this.”

The new-age, self-help paradigms that have us “choosing happiness” and monitoring our negative mind-stream are great for introducing us to our co-creative powers; they teach us that we aren’t necessarily “our stories,” but they are only ONE SMALL piece of the puzzle.

Too often teachings around “consciousness” and “empowerment” get recited, and regurgitated, and implemented in way which actually creates “spiritual by-passing” and self-abandonment. We dismiss the essential intelligences of what we deem negative, and never actually learn how to discover the deeper, disowned, Truths they are showing us.

Most people have never experienced what a non-judgmental, safe space feels like; most people have some trauma or conditioning that tells them they are safe, secure and loved when they are in control, happy and inspired; most of the women I’ve worked with have no clue how to access self-compassion. And as a result of all this self-help indoctrination, we unknowingly create more internal angst and shame because we don’t know how to get our intellectual lives to match up with our emotional experiences.

Maybe it’s time to learn how to have a glorious adult temper tantrum?

Here is how you do it.

Whether you have been betrayed, disrespected or overlooked — maybe just over worked, over tired, or simply over it, the essence is the same: your center is some far off distant land and you can feel the tension mounting in your body. You need to release some energy without making things worse, or putting someone in harms way.

Ball up your fists. Scrunch up your face a little bit. Start stomping your feet or pounding your pillow, then unleash your inner “five year old.” Really let her rip.

This is your opportunity to allow yourself the space to say and think all those things your highest self would never say and think.

“Who the fuckity-fuck-fuck?” “What the flying fuck?” “That two-faced-low-down-mangy-bi***”

I often find myself laughing or smiling in the middle of one of these conscious temper tantrums because very quickly the tension is released. I can hear myself saying things I KNOW are not true; that I don’t really believe, and it’s gloriously cleansing to not be super human for just a moment.

I promise the negativity trolls won’t come make your life miserable. You are not dis-empowering yourself by calling an asshole an asshole. Getting in touch with your five year old does not make you weak or unconscious or lower your vibration. And I promise you will feel lighter, loved, heard, and probably have a wonderful day.

The root of self-compassion is honoring and allowing every aspect of your experience to be heard, which is the only way to not bypass your “stuff” and get intimate with your wounding.

When we try to make our bodies, feelings, and emotional experiences different without releasing them, the emotions get stuck and saved into the “deal with later’ box.

Feeling our emotions and feelings actually ground us back into our bodies. One humongous, important reason why we have them.

Create a sacred, safe space for feeling and talking about your emotions.

  • Get to know your tender parts intimately so they don’t get projected.
  • Love the hurt, scared, fearful aspects of yourself without shame.
  • Don’t immediately analyze or try to feel different in that moment.
  •  Love and acknowledge what is being shown to you.
  • See if you can find the one within you who has reverence and unconditional love for the part of you that isn’t perfectly healed, conscious or positive.
  • Save the higher perspective and positive affirmations for later.

Because we are human, and this journey is about being human, we must feel to heal.

Sacred containers to release emotions + no judgement = safe space, love, and a warm heart.

Light and Love

Meg

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

A prayer for recovering “choose happy” addicts – Because we all have bad days

A prayer for recovering “choose happy” addicts – Because we all have bad days

 

You might not know it if you are comparing yourself to strangers on the internet, but the reality is, that the internet and Facebook aren’t reality.

No one ever feels perfect all the time…

Isn’t that a relief?

I actually get a little angry when I see quotes flying around about “choose happy” and “happiness is a choice.”

Ultimately happiness is a consequence of feeling like we have choices; of feeling empowered in our lives.

Happiness is more likely to flow through you when you aren’t fighting for it. It’s a natural emotion that comes when we feel resourced and whole from within, which means allowing what arises in us to be seen.

And some days, it’s totally appropriate, dare I say it – to not choose happy.

Ironically my life has become infinitely more joyous, peaceful, trusting and loving because I stopped trying to be a positive Pollyanna all the freaking time.

Which is why when you embrace whatever it is that you might be feeling, you move through it more ease, grace and trust.

Now, my “off days” are far less ominous and I feel safe and seen and nurtured. As long as I stay away from “shoulding” all over myself.

I wrote this during one of my voracious journaling periods; kind of like Picasso’s Blue period, the kind where you just give all your crazy over to God on paper or canvas or whatever medium you see fit.

This is a prayer for when you feel lost, off track, melancholy or fear.

I Trust Prayer

I trust in the divines love that I am connected to.

I trust I am loved unconditionally.

I trust I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

I trust in my heart.

I trust in abundance and beauty.

I trust that tomorrow brings with it new opportunities to love myself and start anew.

I trust in the divine order of things; that I will get everything I need in order to serve my soul’s highest path.

I trust in a beautiful process that I can not understand.

I trust my life has value. I trust I am lovable just the way I am. I trust that expansion and connection live in me.

I trust that I am trusting and allowing more.

I trust that I know what is best for me.

I trust that I’ll always find a way. I trust that I will be shown the next move. I trust that my job is to listen.

I trust that this is a stepping stone.

I trust that I always have a choice.

I trust that I have all I need inside of me to create the loving life I desire. I trust that God, Source, Light walk with me.

I trust that I don’t have control over anything but me.

I trust that there are signs and guidance when I get out of my own way.

I trust that what is meant to come will come into my life, and what is meant to leave I can let go of.

I trust that when I get centered and I am still I can hear you, see you and feel you.

I trust that life is on my side.

I trust that when I am connected to myself, even more than I can imagine will flow through me.

I trust that I can grieve and feel all my feelings safely today .

I trust that you hear me with out me speaking.

I trust.

I love hearing from you, comment below and share if you think this is good, great, awesome.

Light and Love

Megyn

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

 

The Shadow Side Of Gratitude – How Positive Thinking And Mindset Training Get Misused

The Shadow Side Of Gratitude – How Positive Thinking And Mindset Training Get Misused

I’m all for gratitude. I love “everything happens for a reason” and finding the lesson in a difficult situation. I believe there is wisdom in looking at ourselves and our stories. It is noble to take radical responsibility. But what about our hearts? What about the legitimacy of the feelings that arise when you’re in the middle of the “shit storm”?

As a spiritual aspirant – I’m guilty. I’m guilty of getting caught up in the positive thinking and mindset madness that has us monitoring every negative thought, feeling, and emotion. But high-level concepts like “happiness is a choice” and “your thoughts create your reality” can be confusing and even shaming if misunderstood. And quite frankly, I witness a lot of misunderstanding.

I was a chronic positive-think-my-way-into-a-different-perspective kind of girl. I had experienced a fair amout of trauma: my parents went through a divorce, a close family member was murdered, my step-mom committed suicide, I got diagnosed with a rare brain tumor, then I nearly died, barely holding on to life for 10 days in the hospital, and to top it all off in my early thirties I got into an abusive relationship just for fun. Yet, I remained positive.

I had been shifting and observing my thoughts for years through personal development and mindfulness. I could silver line a nuclear Holocaust. But there was a cost: I was severely disconnected from my heart, my truth, and I didn’t trust myself. And isn’t that kind of the point of spiritual practice? Of working on ourselves? To be deeply rooted in who we are, to trust and love our whole self, so we can then have abundant spiritual AND human experiences?

If you are here you probably don’t need to disassociate from your feelings anymore. Most of us get onto this path because we are energetically sensitive, empathetic, emotional people who have never learned how to feel what we are feeling (different from emotional triggers) without making ourselves wrong.

When we focus on our stories and limiting beliefs without acknowledging the core messages that lie underneath the emotions and thoughts, it is just another way the ego disassociates – kind of like an addict going for alcohol to avoid the discomfort of living.

As a result of never allowing our deepest feelings and beliefs to come to the surface, we separate ourselves further from our hearts, from our intuition, and from feeling connected from within. We actually exacerbate the very situation we are trying to fix: our relationship with our Truth and ourselves.

If we aren’t a sacred place to be fully human, messiness and all — then who and what are we looking to for that wholeness, for our power?

When I realized this was just a way to give the ego more power (directing the mind at the expense of feeling my core feelings) and that I was actually acting out of fear, because I hated myself for being vulnerable, I knew it was time to develop a new relationship with my whole self.

Yes, it’s important to not get sucked into some of the craziness from our minds. Yes, it is important to be aware of our reactions. Yes, it is important to take personal responsibility. Yes, it is important to not project all of our wounds and soft spots onto someone else, blaming them for what we are feeling in the moment, but . . .

Being “spiritual” and loving is not about muscling ourselves into being super human.

The beauty of being a soul having a human experience is in finding the courage to open our hearts to our tender, wounded, broken, and messy without shame, with total acceptance, with some reverence, and with humility so we can heal the original source wound of separation from love; so we can cultivate a deep level of intimacy, trust, and truth with ourselves and with others.

The beauty of our emotions (and even our thoughts and egos) is that they are access points into deeper, unheard, wounds, and hurts. They are the bridge and the channel for unconditional love with ourselves, for honest communication with others, and for being fully present in the here and now.

Through honoring the language of our emotions, of our feelings, and of our experiences, we heal years of denied, repressed, stored, grief material that creates the filter we navigate our life from.

Connecting to our feelings is the difference between a “good” spiritual practice and an actual spiritual experience. When we learn how to feel, heal, integrate, and become whole, we get laughter through tears, joy in the middle of breakdowns, peace in the face of chaos, and trust in the face of the unknown.

Through experiencing all we were meant to experience here, we get glorious #Wholehuman™ living.

Light and Love Megyn

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible over the internet while I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Get exclusive love notes and private updates, stock my Instagram, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on relationships, self-love, and self-awareness.

The dangers of the “McPositive Thinking” craze!

The dangers of the “McPositive Thinking” craze!

 

I’ve been a professional Pollyanna my whole life. Which means, I am a hopeless optimist and I can positive think my way through any challenging situation.

Happiness is a choice? Give me the option — I always choose happy.

So many of us on the path to a purposeful life and spiritual practice have learned that our thoughts create our reality. Because of this, we have diligently monitored and censored our negative thoughts, emotions, and beliefs for years.

The problem is spiritual platitudes like “everything happens for a reason” and “there is always a silver lining” sometimes aren’t taking enough responsibility — the responsibility for what’s showing up in our lives and more importantly the responsibility to heal.

Let me explain.

In my mid-twenties I was diagnosed with a rare disease caused by a benign brain tumor that produces too much growth hormone. Because the internet wasn’t as prolific back then I didn’t have access to very much information.  The doctor’s reports were doom and gloom with the possibility of unwanted side effects down the road. My body had already suffered from some physical changes.

It was a scary time — for about a second.

I immediately went into acceptance; accepting that I had no control over the situation and decided that if life was giving me lemons, I was making lemonade. I got into bodybuilding because the growth hormone gave me a natural advantage to put on muscle; plus, to be honest, I had always dealt with body image issues and I wanted the perfect body.

I completely brushed off any fear, anger or sadness and just muscled through the emotional pain — literally.

Years later, after an abusive relationship ended and in the interest of taking full responsibility for my part, I began to re-evaluate my life and all the ways I had been showing up that had not served me.

I began to unravel a theme —  I’d accepted everyone and everything in my life because everything “was in Divine Order”; or everyone was doing the best they could with the tools they had.

I’d never considered fully feeling any painful emotions like loss, betrayal, disappointment, regret, sadness, or anger — I wanted to be happy.

What I didn’t realize, was that this was a maladaptive coping mechanism in order to not deal with the uncomfortable emotions that come with being human. Somewhere along the way, primarily in my childhood, I picked up the message that it wasn’t safe to feel. That I was safe, secure and loved when I was perfectly happy, and that this made everyone around me happy too. As a result, I had some pretty well-hidden wounds.

When we don’t allow ourselves to grieve and feel our hurt and our pain, no matter how irrational they may seem to our minds, they stick around as disowned beliefs, wounds and imprints.

Emotions are energy in motion (E + motion), they need to be released otherwise they get stored and fester creating problems later on down the road.

We have an emotional and spiritual body just like we have a physical body, and when one of them is sick your whole energy system is off. As a result, these subconscious wounds will dictate the frequency we create our life from.

Think about this, if we are cutting ourselves off from a valid part of the human experience, aren’t we in a way saying we don’t completely love ourselves? That we don’t accept who we are, human messiness and all?

We can better align with a frequency of Love and create with more ease and flow when we accept and nurture all parts of ourselves. I started doing this by first going into my body instead of my head when I felt a strong emotion. I allowed the emotion space and even fell apart from time to time. I would ask myself a series of grounding questions like “Where do I feel this?” “How old do I feel?”

I was careful not to shame myself about having the emotions. I would lovingly nurture myself, instead of looking for someone else to do it; and I would say “It’s okay to feel this Megyn, you are only human, I love you anyway.” And when I was done feeling whatever it was that was coming up for me, immediately I felt lighter, and more WHOLE!

Feeling the uncomfortable emotions was never as bad as my head had built it up to be, in fact, the emotions moved through me much quicker than I had ever anticipated.

We don’t have to react from our emotions. It’s actually better not to; but we can honor them, use them as guides, and give them space so they don’t get trapped and show up as toxic behaviors like addiction, projection, shame and lack of self-trust.

Using positive thoughts and affirmations are a great way to stay focused, keep your monkey mind at bay and develop new neural pathways; but they only work on the rational and logical level. If you are using them at the expense of other parts of your Being that are asking to be heard you could possibly be blocking the doorway into healing.

Fellow LOVERS know this: 

Then you can go out into the world and emit all that Love you just gave yourself.


Postscript: This post was originally debuted on The Daily Love. I never dreamed I’d be a contributor for TDL but sometimes as I have said over and over again, when we take responsibility for healing, we can align with our hearts and then the world will open up to us in ways our minds could never have imagined. Thank you for all the support!

All Love. All Truth.

Megyn

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram, and get private access to the Wholehuman Tribe, a soulful support group for real life talk on relationships and self-love and spirituality.

 

Pin It on Pinterest