Is the obsession with your thoughts really helping you?

Is the obsession with your thoughts really helping you?

The idea that our thoughts are just something we don’t have to “believe” in order to alleviate suffering is one of those self-help axioms which have become so pervasive that no one dares to question it. It’s been espoused as a high-minded ideal by “thought leaders” for so long as an “enlightened” way of dealing with our humanity, that it is swallowed hook line and sinker by every first-time seeker taking sips of the proverbial self-help Koolaid.

Our thoughts are not THE PROBLEM, they are a symptom of an underlying disconnection with ourselves: an old trauma or wound or feeling we are trying to avoid.

The truth is, our thoughts, our minds, our egos, are an amazing survival and coping mechanism our humanity relies on for protection: to guarantee us safety, security, and love. True this can be dysfunctional, but only to the point that we don’t understand where our thoughts come from or what they are trying to show us.

We have between 50,0000 and 70,000 thoughts a day. Most of them you don’t even notice or believe.

For the sake of our discussion here, I am talking about the thoughts that have emotional juice, that hold you hostage, that repetitively show up in your life.

Notice, in all the thoughts that you’ve ever had, that you didn’t want to be having, that could be qualified as “limiting” or “negative,” you never once thought about having the disempowering thought first.

So who decided that thoughts were a purely rational or logical problem? That the simple decision to call a thought “not true”, “not real”, “just a story”, “limiting”, or “negative” would be so utterly profound that the whole layered, nuanced, and complex network of human conditioning, cellular memory, stored trauma, feelings, beliefs, and subconscious imprints would all rally behind the rational mind’s attempts to muscle our whole being into believing what we think we should feel or think or deeply believe?

Anyone who has spent years in the self-help world working on “mastering their mind,” or “reframing their thoughts” or “observing their ego” knows we might get short bouts of reprieve before we are caught up in an old loop or reactive trigger or disempowering mind-stream again. It also requires a massive amount of effort and energy.

The reason wrestling our “negative” thoughts into oblivion is so catchy and popular is twofold.

A simple shifting of thoughts serves the masculine dominated, control and predict, plug in A get B, quick fix paradigm that sees life through a linear lens: “Just do this, and viola! You get that.” And it is more comfortable than doing the honest, self-reflection and heavy lifting of emotional integration, where we have to address and sift through disowned shame, grief and fear, making “change your thoughts change your life” a sellable solution, readily heralded by people who are already disconnected from themselves, allowing them to remain comfortable through dissociating more, only now more “enlightened” dissociation.

Forget “mastering your mind”, it’s not possible anyway. The mind is a tool; a portal, and an access point into deeper healing, self-connection, and renewal.

Thoughts aren’t problems to be logically talked away. Ever met someone in therapy working on the same stuff for 10 years? The mind’s outpourings are a byproduct of the fracture between our mind, body, heart and soul. They are a result of the imprinting and belief systems that were set up in early childhood trauma.

We all have trauma, it’s how we internalize fear.

So we might as well make friends with our thoughts and egos and limiting beliefs and allow them to take us to our underlying, disowned, pain, shame, and fear. Perhaps get curious about the feelings they are directing us away from for our “survival,” but truly for what they can lead us to for deep, healing, integration and renewal.

This re-connection, through our humanity as opposed to dismissing it, allows us to reclaim our hearts and bring us back to life. It opens the door to self-love and self-compassion and helps us develop a new relationship with our basic vulnerability and openness. This starts to restore what has been lost through self-abandonment and spiritual bypassing. We get more authentic vulnerability, self-intimacy, and self-trust. We experience more profound feelings of warmth and caring for the pain in our lives.

As we stop denying, dismissing, and repressing parts of ourselves, we integrate what has been disowned and the thoughts naturally become more loving, peaceful, and creative without having to go to war with ourselves, or be under constant observation.

Real compassion can only arise out of being willing to feel pain. As long as we refuse to recognize our thoughts for what they are: an access point to the undigested, stored grief material of our psyche, we won’t be able to feel any real compassion for ourselves or for others.

Compassion literally means “suffering with” — being a friend and companion to the pain that’s involved in being human.

Your thoughts don’t create your reality. Your ability to be with your wholehuman experience creates your reality.

All Love. All Truth.

Can changing your thoughts really help you?

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

There is nothing wrong with you (But first you must accept this Truth!)

There is nothing wrong with you (But first you must accept this Truth!)

I meet a lot of people who are convinced there is something “wrong” with them because they’ve “tried everything” and they still have bad days, feel lost, feel sad or depressed at times, and as a result, have decided they are broken (shame).

They continue to amass encyclopedic knowledge in “my shit,” self-help, and personal empowerment; they seek out gurus, see therapists, shamans, and energy healers, and blame 5th dimension connections and karmic contracts on their aches and pains.

I get it. When you feel lost and broken down you want it to go away. Not tomorrow, but yesterday. The teeny-weeny problem is. . .

When we go into hyperdrive “I’ve got to fix, change, or transcend” mode it’s like an addict going for alcohol to avoid the discomfort of living: looking to external “gurus”, answers, connections, and concoctions to fill our voids, our minds, and our disconnected hearts.

As a reformed self-help junkie and positive Pollyanna, my drug of choice was “fixing” my “thoughts.” And after all the ego observations, positive affirmations, and identification of “my stories”, I was still just as lost, disembodied, repressed, and numbed out.

I had no clue how to be vulnerable, how to be authentic, or how to deeply connect with myself.

I was a spiritual intellectual traumatized by the total abandonment of self.

The problem with all these well-intentioned coaching, spiritual, and healing paradigms is we are often sidestepping the internal cues, signposts, and exquisite bodily messages in the present moment. We are often looking for secrets that exist outside of ourselves at the expense of leaning into our deepest self – who might have a lot to say if she’s never been listened to.

We don’t heal our source wounds and self-worth issues by denying the feelings and experiences we feel in our core — that lie underneath the crazy stories of our mind.

We don’t align with our eternal nature: love, by dissociating from pain, hurt, and trauma — these are guideposts that something is out of sync in our lives.

We don’t erase our limiting, ego, fear based beliefs through simply being the “observer” or the “space” —  these are our relational and developmental survival mechanisms that must be healed in relationship to being human.

We don’t get a deeper connection to ourselves and create more meaningful lives by calling part of our human experience “an illusion”, “not true”, or “not real.” It’s all real, here, now, at this time, it’s just not the only thing that’s real.

Spirituality and personal empowerment can be a slippery slope into muscling our way into believing what we THINK we should believe.

Our triggers, the “stories”, and our “criminal egos” are an invitation to connect with ourselves on much deeper levels and look at the messages inherent in our pain.

They are access points to disowned truths.

They are passageways to emotional intimacy with ourselves and with others through vulnerability and honesty.

The fact of the matter is we reside here in human form for a reason: to experience the experience of ourselves; to delight in our true nature through resonance in human form.

And the only way to match our lives with that which we desire is to BECOME the deepest, truest, most honest versions of love we can be, which is through loving our humanity, not through discarding it.

If we want to feel and receive and experience the gifts of love, truth, trust, peace, and meaning, then we have to learn how to connect with the essence of our being (love) through communicating the way our heart and soul speaks: unbridled, unrestricted, all-encompassing, compassion and love. Which has nothing to do with resistance, forcing a positive thought, calling an experience not real, or muscling our way into better “thinking.”

We aren’t going to find what we are “looking for” through not loving all of what WE ARE.

Fall in love with your paradoxical nature. Fall in love with being Human. Show up for your whole self and feel the love and truth you’ve been disconnected from.

All Love,

Megyn

SAY YES TO UNCOMMON TRUTHS, LESS WOO-WOO, AND MORE HUMAN!

Really it's all about experiencing as much joy, trust and love as we possibly can, while still being fully in our lives. My promise, is to give you thoughtful, practical and unconventional advice.

How to forgive and move on without an apology – because some people are a**holes

How to forgive and move on without an apology – because some people are a**holes

I always wanted to believe that people were as honest, as sincere, and as apologetic as me. And that was the problem – I thought if I owned my stuff then you should own your stuff too. . . and apologize.

So I would allow people to stay in my life past the expiration date of the relationship, past the mutual growth opportunities, and play the role of surprised-victimized-over-giver-door-mat.

Then I got it: Don’t play with, engage, or argue with assholes, people committed to their illusions, or bad-behavior-participators. Ever!

Why? Because assholes never know they are assholes.

So what makes us think that we can make them realize they are behaving badly? Or acting unconsciously? Or being disrespectful? Or behaving with zero awareness of their impact on other people? Or justifying seriously lame, manipulative tactics to get back into our little corner of the world?

Before I understood boundaries, I thought it was my job to get someone to behave in a kind, respectful manner towards me.

I thought I should point out how they were manipulating, or how unloving and uncaring their behavior was – and then I would get an apology.

It only kept me entangled with said asshole. It actually gave the asshole more fuel for their fire because they had an in: they could keep coming back into my life, acting like an unconscious jerk over and over again because the door was always open. When in actuality, I turned into the asshole that had to make sure they knew they were wrong and or get them to rectify their behavior.

This is probably the biggest lesson I’ve ever learned:

In fact, said asshole, if he wasn’t an asshole, would know his behavior was borderline inhumane, disrespectful, manipulative or unkind and would quickly make amends without you nudging them, and they certainly wouldn’t continue to participate in said behavior.

Remaining entangled in depleting relationships or with people committed to their insanity. . . is insanity.

Trying to get someone to see or admit that what they did was wrong then be sorry for it (so we can feel better) is giving away our power.

Think about it like this: would you behave that unkindly? Unconsciously? Probably not.

Because you aren’t an asshole.

My inquiry into my realm of power was a rather stark realization that I was powerless over other people and that the best thing I could do was accept that said asshole was committed to their behavior and that I was suffocating my spirit and abusing my heart by waiting for them to wake up and NOT want to be an asshole.

When I accepted that I can’t change people, that this was actually codependent behavior, I was honestly relieved.

I could totally release all focus on them and look at my healing responsibility in the situation. I could settle into what I really believed to be good, kind, respectful behavior and then live in integrity with that in my own life, without trying to get everyone else to believe or behave at with the same values and standards.

Translation: I own up to my side of the street and where my power starts and stops, then discern who fits into my life without making it about them, but rather making it about my commitment to myself and my heart.

This is actually when you are most powerful: we heal codependent behavior when we stop relying on other people to make us feel better.

The warning is this, even when you take full responsibility for your side of the street, for said asshole being in your life and then discern it’s not working anymore without blaming them and then politely explain what is in integrity for you and that it just doesn’t fit any kind of relationship or entanglement with them, said asshole will probably never hear you.

But at least now you can move on without making it about someone else; just stick to your knowing about what is good and right in your life.

Share this with someone who could use some love from you.

All Love, All Truth,

Megyn

Read: How to forgive and move on without an apology
everyone has their own definition of love. How to forgive and move on without an apology.
take nothing personal, but take no shit
Never allow someone to treat you in a way you wouldn't treat yourself

Save

Save

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a bad ass, non-new-age, private Facebook group where we talk about real life self-love, self-awareness, and self-trust.

 

Letting go of the things you need to let go of, and be happy!

Letting go of the things you need to let go of, and be happy!

 

I’ve let go of a lot in my life.

I’ve let go of toxic relationships, of businesses, of homes, of opportunities that weren’t in alignment. Of TV. Of whole food groups. Of repressed emotions. Oh-my-gah! Repressed emotions.

I’m still learning to let go of the need to control my health and my body. I’m still learning To. Just. Let. Go.

Breathe. It does gets easier. Especially when we understand what we are avoiding.

Letting go can be uncomfortable AND heart breaking.

Moving into the unknown puts us face to face with our deepest fears and sometimes suppressed emotions. That’s why we don’t like it. It brings up stuff!

We are conditioned and wired to seek comfort, love, safety and security through attachments to things, people, and predictable outcomes. Unfortunately, it’s an illusion that any kind of comfort, love, and security reside somewhere outside of us.

Life changes quickly, whether we want it to or not. Sometimes change starts imperceptibly, sometimes with the fires of life that burn everything to the ground so you have to start anew.

It is totally acceptable and life affirming to seek out our soul’s resonance in uplifting, expansive, and creative situations. But it’s soul sucking and life-force leaching to be at war with yourself, or to deny deeper layers of your own light-filled-truth.

If holding onto a job, addiction, habit, distraction, ideology, guru, or person is draining, keeping you small, or holding you back, the Universe has a built in megaphone nudging you with little omens, wake-up calls, and divinely timed storms to get your attention.

The question is, are you awake enough to listen?

Chaos, turmoil, and discord don’t show up as punishment, but to gift us with the opportunity to choose more Truth, more heart, more love, more aligned actions and circumstances.

If you feel paralyzed, held hostage, or emotionally triggered when confronted with letting go of that thing you don’t want to let go of – please, the last thing you need to do is judge, berate, or shame yourself for wanting to hold on.

Instead, acknowledge the underlying truth you are scared of facing: “I’m afraid I’ll always be alone”, “I’m afraid I’ll never be successful”, “I’m afraid I’m not supported”, “I’m afraid I’ll be a failure”, “I’m afraid of feeling lost and sad for forever.”

Underneath the discomfort when you finally show up for yourself and speak up for ALL your truths out loud, there is healing, release, and renewal, and as a result a stronger sense of connection with your heart and soul.

Letting go is how we grow.

Letting go creates spaciousness that brings more answers and holds new connections the mind can’t conceive. If forces us to meet ourselves; to sift through the murky terrain of our being, and prepares us for gifts to come.

The harder we cling, the more we are in a state of internal fear and lack, the more inwardly we should explore.

Make the practice of letting go a game. Delight in the curiosity of soul-excavation.

Peeling back layers of more heart-aligned truths is never totally comfortable, in fact it sometimes hurts to face ourselves and release emotional baggage, or grieve old ways that don’t work for us anymore.

But if you can LET GO while you simultaneously HOLD A SPACE for yourself, lovingly and compassionately feeling your heart breaking as you release the comfort zones, the habits, the routines, the relationships, the addictions, and the things that you KNOW don’t really serve you anymore – the cracks you open up, are how the light gets in.

The heart opens up, comes alive, beats harder, gets stronger, and says: “Thank you for being on my side!”

Our minds seek to separate us from the Truth, our heart asks us to remember the Truth, our soul says, “Whenever you are ready, I AM the Truth.”

Light and Love

Megyn

 

The pain of letting go is healing, whereas the pain of staying somewhere you aren't truly valued is destructive.
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

Why too much self-help actually creates suffering

Why too much self-help actually creates suffering

For 17 years I was a good spiritual student and self-help junkie. I was well versed in concepts like self-love and self-worth. Concepts like “our thoughts create our reality” and “happiness is a choice” permeated much of my thinking. I had accepted everyone for where they were at, at their level of consciousness. I believed unconditional love, forgiveness, and gratitude would deliver landslides of peace, joy, and abundance.

I worked on my chakras. I had taken my inventory, “my stories” were not real and I knew none of this physical experience mattered anyway.

But what I learned the hard way, was that none of this had anything to do with Love; that this was a backward way of trying to live from my heart. I was working on the connection to myself, and ultimately something larger than Self, through my mind.

As a result, I had all the right intentions and concepts, but none of the right feelings. Good intentions + wrong feelings = spiritual junk-food.

What is this journey about?

In spiritual circles, it is well known that we are not just humans, but that we are souls having a human experience. We are unlimited beings here in manifestation having a temporary physical experience, and while all that is true, it’s just incomplete.

We are souls; creative life force energy who CHOSE to come here and have a human experience, which translates as this: none of this is an accident, including our criminal egos and broken hearts. There is not one part of being human that is flawed.

If we had only wanted a “true nature experience,” we would never have left or given up our true nature to come here.

But we did. And even if you believe that this was somehow just a Big Bang accident and that the intricacies of our humanity and our planet are completely random, wouldn’t it feel more nourishing to be of service to Love through the gift of our humanity as opposed to dismissing it?

In order to connect with that which we are – which is love, the illusion of separation is essential.

Without physical form, we are just Universe or Source energy that can’t experience herself.

Human reality is one glorious hodgepodge of magnificent, heartbreaking, heart-opening, messiness and chaos for a reason – to gift us the opportunity to open our hearts in the most impossible and heartbreaking situations – especially with ourselves.

As people who are “waking up,” it’s easy to get caught up in the madness of chasing empowerment, escaping our denser energetic bodies and battling the craziness of our minds. All more ego – just spiritually acceptable ego and a way to stand in further judgment and dissociation of our natural processes.

As intelligent, bright and masterful women, we’ve been jammed up into our headspace with more education at the expense of learning how to be vulnerable and more loving with ourselves. Which is in fact, the only way to heal and access deep, abiding, soulful, love and compassion.

We’ve put an extraordinary amount of focus on our egos and limiting beliefs, which are actually messengers for our broken hearts. We’ve placed high-minded ideals above understanding the relational, developmental and conditional aspects of being human, which creates more shame and frustration because we are constantly striving to achieve another level of “I have to stop something or muscle through something or be something to get somewhere” which the ego loves.

But what if we could start creating our lives through learning how to open our hearts more?

What if our wounds and pain-points and triggers were the only way to be vulnerable and access compassion?

The limiting “stories” we tell ourselves, our “ways of being” that aren’t working for us are really just a tender, unhealed part of us waiting to finally be seen, loved and integrated.

The rumination of the mind is a distraction technique to keep us from sinking down into our bodies and allowing the uncomfortable messages from our disowned beliefs and feelings to come up and guide us to internal release and healing.

We can “master our mind” and re-frame all day, but it doesn’t always address the core imprint or experience of not feeling safe to show up fully, not feeling chosen or not feeling supported.

If we want to learn to trust ourselves and connect with our heart and soul, we have to learn to communicate the way our heart and soul speaks. We need to learn how to make peace with our broken, wounded, humanity ––  this is the breeding ground for true vulnerability, trust, and compassion with ourselves.

A little powerfully true but overlooked law: What you resist persists but what you love rises above.

The only way to experience life through the purity of our spirit is through the demonstration and reception of what we are, which is Love. Which translates as truth, compassion, patience, honesty and acceptance of all aspects of the wholehuman experience.

The sooner we can learn to love it all, the sooner you will start to experience the Love you are made of, the sooner you will start to feel connected to yourself and something larger than Self in a way that has you crying tears of bliss “It’s so freaking simple and so obvious, I love it all. I get it. I am love because I love.”

Where are you going to love yourself more today??

Light and Love

Megyn

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL AS MUCH JOY, TRUST, AND LOVE AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE, NOW!

My mission is to bridge the gap that exists between high-level-woo-woo-spiritulity, self-love and your everyday life. Stick around, kick up your heels, read for a while. I am sure we'll be fast friends.

How to find your happy place when the shit is hitting the fan.

How to find your happy place when the shit is hitting the fan.

In spite of all our meditating, deep breathing and positive thinking, sometimes our best efforts to come back to center and “feel better” just don’t work. Sometimes the chaos, the stress, or the a@%hole on the freeway really do steal our serenity.

We’ve all been there, in between “What else can go wrong?”, “I’m not sure I can keep it together,” and the self-help fairies whispering in your ear: “Don’t stay in this place. You’ll attract more negativity into your life. You are bigger than this.”

The new-age, self-help paradigms that have us “choosing happiness” and monitoring our negative mind-stream are great for introducing us to our co-creative powers; they teach us that we aren’t necessarily “our stories,” but they are only ONE SMALL piece of the puzzle.

Too often teachings around “consciousness” and “empowerment” get recited, and regurgitated, and implemented in way which actually creates “spiritual by-passing” and self-abandonment. We dismiss the essential intelligences of what we deem negative, and never actually learn how to discover the deeper, disowned, Truths they are showing us.

Most people have never experienced what a non-judgmental, safe space feels like; most people have some trauma or conditioning that tells them they are safe, secure and loved when they are in control, happy and inspired; most of the women I’ve worked with have no clue how to access self-compassion. And as a result of all this self-help indoctrination, we unknowingly create more internal angst and shame because we don’t know how to get our intellectual lives to match up with our emotional experiences.

Maybe it’s time to learn how to have a glorious adult temper tantrum?

Here is how you do it.

Whether you have been betrayed, disrespected or overlooked — maybe just over worked, over tired, or simply over it, the essence is the same: your center is some far off distant land and you can feel the tension mounting in your body. You need to release some energy without making things worse, or putting someone in harms way.

Ball up your fists. Scrunch up your face a little bit. Start stomping your feet or pounding your pillow, then unleash your inner “five year old.” Really let her rip.

This is your opportunity to allow yourself the space to say and think all those things your highest self would never say and think.

“Who the fuckity-fuck-fuck?” “What the flying fuck?”

I often find myself laughing or smiling in the middle of one of these conscious temper tantrums because very quickly the tension is released. I can hear myself saying things I KNOW are not true; that I don’t really believe, and it’s gloriously cleansing to not be super human for just a moment.

I promise the negativity trolls won’t come make your life miserable. You are not dis-empowering yourself by calling an asshole an asshole. Getting in touch with your five year old does not make you weak, or unconscious, or lower your vibration. And, I promise you will feel lighter, loved, heard, and probably have a wonderful day.

The root of self-compassion is honoring and allowing every aspect of your experience to be heard, which is the only way to not bypass your “stuff” and get intimate with your wounding.

When we try to make our bodies, feelings, and emotional experiences different without releasing them, the emotions get stuck and saved into the “deal with later’ box.

Feeling our emotions and feelings actually ground us back into our bodies. One humongous, important reason why we have them.

Create a sacred, safe space for feeling and talking about your emotions.

  • Get to know your tender parts intimately so they don’t get projected.
  • Love the hurt, scared, fearful aspects of yourself without shame.
  • Don’t immediately analyze or try to feel different in that moment.
  •  Love and acknowledge what is being shown to you.
  • See if you can find the one within you who has reverence and unconditional love for the part of you that isn’t perfectly healed, conscious or positive.
  • Save the higher perspective and positive affirmations for later.

Because we are human, and this journey is about being human, we must feel to heal.

Sacred containers to release emotions + no judgement = safe space, love, and a warm heart.

Light and Love

Meg

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

Pin It on Pinterest