How to make peace with where you are now (hint: you are not broken)

How to make peace with where you are now (hint: you are not broken)

This is the biggest struggle I see my clients dealing with: they think they are supposed to arrive at some “enlightened”, perfectly-happy-utopian-place, and reside there all the time.

They think bliss and euphoria are a constant state. They believe they should never make a mistake, or have a negative thought, or be triggered again.

The problem is we look up to guides, teachers, and thought leaders and put them on pedestals, or make them superhuman. This is especially true in the age of social media where we are seeing snippets of people’s lives.

We hear about their profound insights and it’s easy to get caught up in the illusion that there is a journey from point A to point B. But, there is no point B, there is only the experience of the journey. We just get to decide how we want this experience to go.

Spirituality, Law of Attraction, and self-help can be a slippery slope into muscling through our mind’s acrobatics; into sidestepping the conditional and relational truths of being human, which leaves us further disconnected from ourselves.

The journey of being a soul having a human experience is about finding our light and our divinity through our humanity, not through escaping it.

The difference is, in transformation, we learn how to be with ourselves instead of avoiding ourselves. We learn how to love ourselves, without relying on the external world to tell us when we are lovable. To that end, perfection is an illusion and inevitably there will be pivots, shifts, breakdowns, and emptying out periods as we discover deeper and deeper connections with our own love and truth.

The practice: love yourself through everything you are experiencing.

Destruction of old identities, coping mechanisms, and avoidance techniques is not comfortable! Revolution is messy! Don’t shame yourself or your process. Learn to really TRUST your messy, confused, pissed off, lonely, and angry. They are showing you things, primarily where to show up for yourself more honestly, and wholeheartedly.

This is the only way. To accept and love it all. And through your non-resistance comes peace and clearings, and more profound levels of love and connection with yourself.

The truth is you have to fall off track a few times to realize where you want to be; you have to be so sick of your own shit that you become willing to do the uncomfortable work.

No one said this path was easy. If it was, everyone would do it.

All Love,

Megyn

You have to fall of track a few times. visit www.megynblanchard.com for a free self love e course
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

 

There is nothing wrong with you (But first you must accept this Truth!)

There is nothing wrong with you (But first you must accept this Truth!)

I meet a lot of people who are convinced there is something “wrong” with them because they’ve “tried everything” and they still have bad days, feel lost, feel sad or depressed at times, and as a result, have decided they are broken (shame).

They continue to amass encyclopedic knowledge in “my shit,” self-help, and personal empowerment; they seek out gurus, see therapists, shamans, and energy healers, and blame 5th dimension connections and karmic contracts on their aches and pains.

I get it. When you feel lost and broken down you want it to go away. Not tomorrow, but yesterday. The teeny-weeny problem is. . .

When we go into hyperdrive “I’ve got to fix, change, or transcend” mode it’s like an addict going for alcohol to avoid the discomfort of living: looking to external “gurus”, answers, connections, and concoctions to fill our voids, our minds, and our disconnected hearts.

As a reformed self-help junkie and positive Pollyanna, my drug of choice was “fixing” my “thoughts.” And after all the ego observations, positive affirmations, and identification of “my stories”, I was still just as lost, disembodied, repressed, and numbed out.

I had no clue how to be vulnerable, how to be authentic, or how to deeply connect with myself.

I was a spiritual intellectual traumatized by the total abandonment of self.

The problem with all these well-intentioned coaching, spiritual, and healing paradigms is we are often sidestepping the internal cues, signposts, and exquisite bodily messages in the present moment. We are often looking for secrets that exist outside of ourselves at the expense of leaning into our deepest self – who might have a lot to say if she’s never been listened to.

We don’t heal our source wounds and self-worth issues by denying the feelings and experiences we feel in our core — that lie underneath the crazy stories of our mind.

We don’t align with our eternal nature: love, by dissociating from pain, hurt, and trauma — these are guideposts that something is out of sync in our lives.

We don’t erase our limiting, ego, fear based beliefs through simply being the “observer” or the “space” —  these are our relational and developmental survival mechanisms that must be healed in relationship to being human.

We don’t get a deeper connection to ourselves and create more meaningful lives by calling part of our human experience “an illusion”, “not true”, or “not real.” It’s all real, here, now, at this time, it’s just not the only thing that’s real.

Spirituality and personal empowerment can be a slippery slope into muscling our way into believing what we THINK we should believe.

Our triggers, the “stories”, and our “criminal egos” are an invitation to connect with ourselves on much deeper levels and look at the messages inherent in our pain.

They are access points to disowned truths.

They are passageways to emotional intimacy with ourselves and with others through vulnerability and honesty.

The fact of the matter is we reside here in human form for a reason: to experience the experience of ourselves; to delight in our true nature through resonance in human form.

And the only way to match our lives with that which we desire is to BECOME the deepest, truest, most honest versions of love we can be, which is through loving our humanity, not through discarding it.

If we want to feel and receive and experience the gifts of love, truth, trust, peace, and meaning, then we have to learn how to connect with the essence of our being (love) through communicating the way our heart and soul speaks: unbridled, unrestricted, all-encompassing, compassion and love. Which has nothing to do with resistance, forcing a positive thought, calling an experience not real, or muscling our way into better “thinking.”

We aren’t going to find what we are “looking for” through not loving all of what WE ARE.

Fall in love with your paradoxical nature. Fall in love with being Human. Show up for your whole self and feel the love and truth you’ve been disconnected from.

All Love,

Megyn

SAY YES TO UNCOMMON TRUTHS, LESS WOO-WOO, AND MORE HUMAN!

Really it's all about experiencing as much joy, trust and love as we possibly can, while still being fully in our lives. My promise, is to give you thoughtful, practical and unconventional advice.

How to forgive and move on without an apology – because some people are a**holes

How to forgive and move on without an apology – because some people are a**holes

I always wanted to believe that people were as honest, as sincere, and as apologetic as me. And that was the problem – I thought if I owned my stuff then you should own your stuff too. . . and apologize.

So I would allow people to stay in my life past the expiration date of the relationship, past the mutual growth opportunities, and play the role of surprised-victimized-over-giver-door-mat.

Then I got it: Don’t play with, engage, or argue with assholes, people committed to their illusions, or bad-behavior-participators. Ever!

Why? Because assholes never know they are assholes.

So what makes us think that we can make them realize they are behaving badly? Or acting unconsciously? Or being disrespectful? Or behaving with zero awareness of their impact on other people? Or justifying seriously lame, manipulative tactics to get back into our little corner of the world?

Before I understood boundaries, I thought it was my job to get someone to behave in a kind, respectful manner towards me.

I thought I should point out how they were manipulating, or how unloving and uncaring their behavior was – and then I would get an apology.

It only kept me entangled with said asshole. It actually gave the asshole more fuel for their fire because they had an in: they could keep coming back into my life, acting like an unconscious jerk over and over again because the door was always open. When in actuality, I turned into the asshole that had to make sure they knew they were wrong and or get them to rectify their behavior.

This is probably the biggest lesson I’ve ever learned:

In fact, said asshole, if he wasn’t an asshole, would know his behavior was borderline inhumane, disrespectful, manipulative or unkind and would quickly make amends without you nudging them, and they certainly wouldn’t continue to participate in said behavior.

Remaining entangled in depleting relationships or with people committed to their insanity. . . is insanity.

Trying to get someone to see or admit that what they did was wrong then be sorry for it (so we can feel better) is giving away our power.

Think about it like this: would you behave that unkindly? Unconsciously? Probably not.

Because you aren’t an asshole.

My inquiry into my realm of power was a rather stark realization that I was powerless over other people and that the best thing I could do was accept that said asshole was committed to their behavior and that I was suffocating my spirit and abusing my heart by waiting for them to wake up and NOT want to be an asshole.

When I accepted that I can’t change people, that this was actually codependent behavior, I was honestly relieved.

I could totally release all focus on them and look at my healing responsibility in the situation. I could settle into what I really believed to be good, kind, respectful behavior and then live in integrity with that in my own life, without trying to get everyone else to believe or behave at with the same values and standards.

Translation: I own up to my side of the street and where my power starts and stops, then discern who fits into my life without making it about them, but rather making it about my commitment to myself and my heart.

This is actually when you are most powerful: we heal codependent behavior when we stop relying on other people to make us feel better.

The warning is this, even when you take full responsibility for your side of the street, for said asshole being in your life and then discern it’s not working anymore without blaming them and then politely explain what is in integrity for you and that it just doesn’t fit any kind of relationship or entanglement with them, said asshole will probably never hear you.

But at least now you can move on without making it about someone else; just stick to your knowing about what is good and right in your life.

Share this with someone who could use some love from you.

All Love, All Truth,

Megyn

Read: How to forgive and move on without an apology
everyone has their own definition of love. How to forgive and move on without an apology.
take nothing personal, but take no shit
Never allow someone to treat you in a way you wouldn't treat yourself

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Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a bad ass, non-new-age, private Facebook group where we talk about real life self-love, self-awareness, and self-trust.

 

Essential truths you need to know before your 30

Essential truths you need to know before your 30

 

As my birthday month passes and I find myself closer to 40 than I am not, (oh-mah-gosh that sounds weird) it’s hard not to think about what the next half of my life will look like. My mid-thirties have been fast and furious as age seems to compress time, lessons and truths, in the same way, that my twenties seemed to mercifully meander by.

I stand on a strange precipice between absolute trust that pain will inevitably arise over and over again, as I am committed to being fully human: living with my heart and arms wide open, welcoming all the gifts of this crazy life.

Yet, at the same time, knowing that the truth of Life is this: she doesn’t guarantee easy but, she does say the best is yet to come; that each year gets infinitely better as we peel back more and more layers that guide us deeper into our own hearts, and bring us closer to our truth.

In the past few years my life and connections have opened up and come alive in ways I could never have imagined and it’s because I finally understood how to let go of just as much as I learned how to love, trust and listen to myself.

If you can implement these essential principles life should feel like a beautiful, mysterious, terrain that celebrates the delicate balance between being fully grounded in our humanness and yet ever more present to our soul’s eternal connection.

Let your heart be the architect and the mind be the builder. Don’t think your way through life. Feel your way through life. The mind is woefully inept at conceiving all possibilities. It really can only direct you from a future based need of security or past-based fear matrix. Your feelings are an amazing compass. They direct you from an innate knowing into a pathway of healing, intuition, and self-discovery.

Let go of needing to know. Sometimes we’re not supposed to know everything. The gifts of Life/Spirit sometimes take a while to reveal themselves. Try not to fit people or situations into your “ideas” about what they “should” be. You are better off loving and living and playing through the present moment. This is where the gifts happen – through experience, outside of thought.

Learn to really like yourself. Like, really enjoy your own company. The relationship you have with yourself is the highest priority you have. Cultivate enjoyment in being alone, in silence and in being single. Go to dinner, movies, and on vacations alone. Have passions and hobbies just for you. Don’t look to anyone to make you feel valued, important or sexy. You’ll always be starving, in need, and disappointed if you are looking to relationships, identities, or careers to provide you with your worth. When you truly enjoy and love yourself – everything else is just a gift.

You can’t rescue, fix or heal anyone. In fact, if you are drawn to human projects, you actually should turn the mirror around on yourself. We often focus on “fixing” others to avoid looking at our own self-love gaps. Getting caught up in other people’s messiness at the expense of our own needs and self-worth is the surest way to show the Universe how little you think of yourself. The most loving thing you can do for another is take care of yourself first. But…

Know your standards. Have boundaries.  It’s healthy to have boundaries and standards of respect, trust, and dignity in relationships. If someone has a hard time understanding or honoring these standards, let them go. Trust that loving yourself will take care of replacing that relationship with something better. Not knowing what you stand for is the quickest way to become a doormat and become victim to your own lack of boundaries.

You have no power over other people. Focus on your own little hula-hoop of energy. We don’t have control over other people’s reactions, feelings or their truth. You can try your best to show up authentically and lovingly, yet there are still going to be some people who won’t be able to see you, hear you and meet you where you are at. And know…

It’s not about you. Don’t take somebody’s bad behavior personally. As much as it hurts – hurt people, hurt people. Some people we meet will understand relationship differently. They have survival mechanisms built on fear and unconscious maps of their world, but you always have the right to say “this is not healthy; this is not what I want to continue creating.” Leave it at that. No explanation necessary!

Do no harm. Ever. To yourself or another. Always ask yourself, “is this actually selfish rationale that is dishonoring my highest yes?” “Am I ignoring consequences to get instant gratification?” “Will my choices harm someone else?” Every choice we make has ripple effects. There are thousands of people who will be directly and indirectly touched by both your kindness and lack of awareness. Be kind when in doubt.

You aren’t an island. There will come a time when you will feel lost. But, I guarantee there is someone you know who has been through what you are going through. Don’t live in shame or isolation. Tell at least one person the whole truth. Give your darkest moments room to breathe. Just make sure it’s in a safe space with no judgment.

Happiness is not a choice. Yes, I said it. It’s a consequence of feeling empowered; of feeling like we have choices. Don’t ever side step your pain or accept situations that are painful in the name of being “conscious.” Take time to feel it, explore it and release it without judgment. Try to find the core feeling, the one without thoughts attached. Happiness is more likely to flow through you when you aren’t fighting for it. It’s a natural emotion that comes when we feel resourced and whole from within, which means allowing what arises in us to be seen.

There is more than one way to do this thing called life. Your path does not have to look like everybody else’s path to be valuable. Get married. Don’t get married. Have children. Don’t have children. Travel, move, get a job, start a company, stay put. There are a million different choices to make. Just make them your own.

Never assume that other people have it all together. The wisest people I know, admit every day they are still trying to figure this sh** out. Life is not an arrival. It’s an ever deepening unfolding and journey, whereby we keep being shown more grace, love and knowing if we choose to act in ways that serve our hearts and ultimately love.

Watch for the second installation on lessons to help make you life freaking amazing!

All Love All Truth

Megyn

 

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

 

Letting go of the things you need to let go of, and be happy!

Letting go of the things you need to let go of, and be happy!

 

I’ve let go of a lot in my life.

I’ve let go of toxic relationships, of businesses, of homes, of opportunities that weren’t in alignment. Of TV. Of whole food groups. Of repressed emotions. Oh-my-gah! Repressed emotions.

I’m still learning to let go of the need to control my health and my body. I’m still learning To. Just. Let. Go.

Breathe. It does gets easier. Especially when we understand what we are avoiding.

Letting go can be uncomfortable AND heart breaking.

Moving into the unknown puts us face to face with our deepest fears and sometimes suppressed emotions. That’s why we don’t like it. It brings up stuff!

We are conditioned and wired to seek comfort, love, safety and security through attachments to things, people, and predictable outcomes. Unfortunately, it’s an illusion that any kind of comfort, love, and security reside somewhere outside of us.

Life changes quickly, whether we want it to or not. Sometimes change starts imperceptibly, sometimes with the fires of life that burn everything to the ground so you have to start anew.

It is totally acceptable and life affirming to seek out our soul’s resonance in uplifting, expansive, and creative situations. But it’s soul sucking and life-force leaching to be at war with yourself, or to deny deeper layers of your own light-filled-truth.

If holding onto a job, addiction, habit, distraction, ideology, guru, or person is draining, keeping you small, or holding you back, the Universe has a built in megaphone nudging you with little omens, wake-up calls, and divinely timed storms to get your attention.

The question is, are you awake enough to listen?

Chaos, turmoil, and discord don’t show up as punishment, but to gift us with the opportunity to choose more Truth, more heart, more love, more aligned actions and circumstances.

If you feel paralyzed, held hostage, or emotionally triggered when confronted with letting go of that thing you don’t want to let go of – please, the last thing you need to do is judge, berate, or shame yourself for wanting to hold on.

Instead, acknowledge the underlying truth you are scared of facing: “I’m afraid I’ll always be alone”, “I’m afraid I’ll never be successful”, “I’m afraid I’m not supported”, “I’m afraid I’ll be a failure”, “I’m afraid of feeling lost and sad for forever.”

Underneath the discomfort when you finally show up for yourself and speak up for ALL your truths out loud, there is healing, release, and renewal, and as a result a stronger sense of connection with your heart and soul.

Letting go is how we grow.

Letting go creates spaciousness that brings more answers and holds new connections the mind can’t conceive. If forces us to meet ourselves; to sift through the murky terrain of our being, and prepares us for gifts to come.

The harder we cling, the more we are in a state of internal fear and lack, the more inwardly we should explore.

Make the practice of letting go a game. Delight in the curiosity of soul-excavation.

Peeling back layers of more heart-aligned truths is never totally comfortable, in fact it sometimes hurts to face ourselves and release emotional baggage, or grieve old ways that don’t work for us anymore.

But if you can LET GO while you simultaneously HOLD A SPACE for yourself, lovingly and compassionately feeling your heart breaking as you release the comfort zones, the habits, the routines, the relationships, the addictions, and the things that you KNOW don’t really serve you anymore – the cracks you open up, are how the light gets in.

The heart opens up, comes alive, beats harder, gets stronger, and says: “Thank you for being on my side!”

Our minds seek to separate us from the Truth, our heart asks us to remember the Truth, our soul says, “Whenever you are ready, I AM the Truth.”

Light and Love

Megyn

 

The pain of letting go is healing, whereas the pain of staying somewhere you aren't truly valued is destructive.
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

How to find your happy place when the shit is hitting the fan.

How to find your happy place when the shit is hitting the fan.

In spite of all our meditating, deep breathing and positive thinking, sometimes our best efforts to come back to center and “feel better” just don’t work. Sometimes the chaos, the stress, or the a@%hole on the freeway really do steal our serenity.

We’ve all been there, in between “What else can go wrong?”, “I’m not sure I can keep it together,” and the self-help fairies whispering in your ear: “Don’t stay in this place. You’ll attract more negativity into your life. You are bigger than this.”

The new-age, self-help paradigms that have us “choosing happiness” and monitoring our negative mind-stream are great for introducing us to our co-creative powers; they teach us that we aren’t necessarily “our stories,” but they are only ONE SMALL piece of the puzzle.

Too often teachings around “consciousness” and “empowerment” get recited, and regurgitated, and implemented in way which actually creates “spiritual by-passing” and self-abandonment. We dismiss the essential intelligences of what we deem negative, and never actually learn how to discover the deeper, disowned, Truths they are showing us.

Most people have never experienced what a non-judgmental, safe space feels like; most people have some trauma or conditioning that tells them they are safe, secure and loved when they are in control, happy and inspired; most of the women I’ve worked with have no clue how to access self-compassion. And as a result of all this self-help indoctrination, we unknowingly create more internal angst and shame because we don’t know how to get our intellectual lives to match up with our emotional experiences.

Maybe it’s time to learn how to have a glorious adult temper tantrum?

Here is how you do it.

Whether you have been betrayed, disrespected or overlooked — maybe just over worked, over tired, or simply over it, the essence is the same: your center is some far off distant land and you can feel the tension mounting in your body. You need to release some energy without making things worse, or putting someone in harms way.

Ball up your fists. Scrunch up your face a little bit. Start stomping your feet or pounding your pillow, then unleash your inner “five year old.” Really let her rip.

This is your opportunity to allow yourself the space to say and think all those things your highest self would never say and think.

“Who the fuckity-fuck-fuck?” “What the flying fuck?” “That two-faced-low-down-mangy-bi***”

I often find myself laughing or smiling in the middle of one of these conscious temper tantrums because very quickly the tension is released. I can hear myself saying things I KNOW are not true; that I don’t really believe, and it’s gloriously cleansing to not be super human for just a moment.

I promise the negativity trolls won’t come make your life miserable. You are not dis-empowering yourself by calling an asshole an asshole. Getting in touch with your five year old does not make you weak or unconscious or lower your vibration. And I promise you will feel lighter, loved, heard, and probably have a wonderful day.

The root of self-compassion is honoring and allowing every aspect of your experience to be heard, which is the only way to not bypass your “stuff” and get intimate with your wounding.

When we try to make our bodies, feelings, and emotional experiences different without releasing them, the emotions get stuck and saved into the “deal with later’ box.

Feeling our emotions and feelings actually ground us back into our bodies. One humongous, important reason why we have them.

Create a sacred, safe space for feeling and talking about your emotions.

  • Get to know your tender parts intimately so they don’t get projected.
  • Love the hurt, scared, fearful aspects of yourself without shame.
  • Don’t immediately analyze or try to feel different in that moment.
  •  Love and acknowledge what is being shown to you.
  • See if you can find the one within you who has reverence and unconditional love for the part of you that isn’t perfectly healed, conscious or positive.
  • Save the higher perspective and positive affirmations for later.

Because we are human, and this journey is about being human, we must feel to heal.

Sacred containers to release emotions + no judgement = safe space, love, and a warm heart.

Light and Love

Meg

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

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