Being authentic is the most loving thing you can do, so why are we so bad at it?

Being authentic is the most loving thing you can do, so why are we so bad at it?

LIving in your truth is less about making shit happen and more about letting shit go.

Over the summer I was wrestling around with a profound contraction cycle. I kept hearing an inner voice that said “Stop! Take a break. Stop DOING for a while, and just BE.”

My mind was like, “No! That’s craziness. We need to keep up the pace. You are already like five years behind.”

Thankfully I’m familiar with the inner guidance and intuitive nudges that often don’t make sense and I trust them more than my head, so I surrendered — “Okay, I trust something will come through if I let go for a while.” And it did.

After three months of forgetting about trying TO DO MORE, (I only worked with one-on-one clients, and I binge watched The Black List and The News Room) I was able to ground into more of my own authentic Truth that often gets drowned out by the noise and messages we are bombarded with every day.

I had gotten in my own way, lost in the fray of everything that is “internet marketing”, and trying to be “successful”, and I was feeling resistance to making other people’s “business models” and comfort zones fit into my Truth.

The a-ha moment was: I didn’t want to be popular, I wanted to teach, and tell the truth, and share my insight, and be a relatable, accessible, human being, without all the selfies. Puh-leeze!

I’m not an online personality. I’m a teacher.

I’m not a green smoothie drinking yogi. I’m a meat eating bodybuilder.

I’m not shy and soft. I’m emphatic and effervescent.

I’m not going to be politically correct or tow a spiritual line, I’m going to tell the Whole. Damn. Truth. while deconstructing concepts so they are practical and implementable.

One of the quotes that were circulating through my mind at this time was from Eat Pray Love, by Liz Gilbert: “But at some point you have to make peace with what you were given, and if God wanted me to be a shy girl with thin, dark hair, he would have made me that way, but He didn’t. Useful, then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein.”

The truth about being authentic and living in integrity, is you have to KNOW who you are, outside of all of the codependent people pleasing and external validation.

And. So. Many. People. Don’t

You have to know, honor, and stand for your core values, beliefs, standards, feelings, and desires like a freaking life raft, or you’ll get swept up in the tide, and wake up on the wrong shore.

You have to FEEL INTO and BE IN the totality of your experience here, including your disowned shame (because as unpopular as shame has become these days, we all have it, or in other words, we all have a part of us that doesn’t love us).

I wish I could tell you that being authentic and living in integrity were as simple as making a “choice” or deciding to, but unfortunately, because most of us are operating through relational wounding, conditioning, and trauma, we typically only have access to the mind or fear based constructs and identities that we’ve created throughout life (unconsciously) to guarantee us safety, security, and love.

As a result, what we often think of as being “authentic” or “fully expressed” or in integrity, isn’t coming from our hearts, especially if we’ve been hypnotized by the “positive thinking,” “I am already love” allure, which has us spiritually bypassing and never sifting through our wounding to reconnect to the purity of our core: our authentic self.

Deep self-connection (which makes authenticity possible) is another level of Knowing. It requires some curiosity, some intention, some vulnerability, some trust, and a whole lot of honesty and compassion with our disowned self-hate, fear, and hurt.

Living in integrity, living in alignment, being authentic from our wholeness, is quite literally an act of self-love; a way of showing up for ourselves, the way we stop the bleeding out, the despair, the feeling unseen, and the depletion that comes from codependent people pleasing, playing small, and trying to squeeze into boxes.

When we don’t show up fully expressed, when we don’t honor our Truth, when we abandon our core values, when we use positive thinking, personal empowerment, and self-help to dismiss or spiritualize away our shame, we are imperceptibly, participating in self-abandonment, which creates voids of self-love that we then go out into the world and co-dependently look for something/someone to take care of our self-love gaps.

So yes, a lack of integrity comes from a lack of self-love, but knowing who we are, and being authentic, and living in integrity, is the most loving and healing thing we can do for ourselves, even with all the unknowns!

All love. All truth.

Megyn

LIving in your truth is less about making shit happen and more about letting shit go.
a-lack-of-integrity-and-authenticity-comes-from-a-lack-of-self-love
Being authentic is the most loving thing you can do, so why are we so bad at it?
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible over the internet while I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Get exclusive love notes and private updates, stock my Instagram, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on relationships, self-love, and self-awareness.

 

How to make regret free decisions

How to make regret free decisions

 

There is a fork in the road. You are presented with a choice. Life delivers yet another opportunity. You know it’s time to decide. . .

Should you say yes? Email back? Forge ahead? Remain open? Repair? Mend, or re-commit?

We all want easy, regret free decisions and a certain level of knowing that we’ve chosen the highest path.

It’s time to go deep. Listen.

Does it feel open? Light? Calm? Warm? Loving?

Or does something feel like chasing? Grasping? Settling?

Does it feel closed off? Sticky? Icky? Contracted or like pushing?

Does it feel inviting, effortless, soft, deep?

Notice, when trying to make a decision, something like fear usually comes up.

Don’t be afraid of fear. Fear and resistance are normal and healthy. We just have to be able to discern one from the other.

Fear and resistance are confusing. I know. I got the two mixed up a lot in my past, especially before I addressed the deep, internal beliefs that I wasn’t supported by Life; that I would be abandoned if I didn’t show up perfectly. Which is insanity. Your only job is to endeavor to show up for yourself more fully, compassionately, honestly and patiently. Just the simple act of trying to listen to your inner knowing, is a huge step in the Light direction.

Quick lesson: Fear, oh-so-totally normal when you are pushing your edge. When you are stepping into something bigger; healthy anxiety when growth is invited in.

Resistance – tricky close cousin to fear. More like an intuitive holding back. Little whispers: “This isn’t for you. This is just a distraction. This is not your door.”

Resistance, more often than not, is a good indicator that you should not muscle through. It’s like a blessing disguised as procrastination. Resistance is your spiritual wing-man.

So I call on my inner knowing and say leave the analyzing for another time.

Try to avoid calling all your friends, painful late night rumination, and predicting outcomes – none of it matters.

None of it is anything but the illusion of control, which we don’t really have.

This is worth reiterating. Control and predictable outcomes – are only an illusion.

I promise, life laughs at me every time I think I have something figured out.

In order to continue making choices that carry us down an ever expanding, nourishing, loving path you have to go within – below the mind and into the body.

What does this feel like? Without any thoughts attached? What does my body, inner knowing, highest self want me to know?

I always know when I am ignoring my intuition because it causes mind racing, the need for constant validation, and outside approval. It feels stressful.

When I go with my internal nudges, that don’t always make sense, it feels like relief; like a two ton weight has been lifted off my back. It feels freeing.

I still may never have the exact meaning, purpose or outcome exactly right. It’s okay, I’m not supposed to. I still may feel some discomfort, especially if there is another soul involved, but I will feel relief in my body.

This is about letting go and trusting that a part of me, my higher self that speaks to me through feelings and intuition is leading me somewhere more in alignment, and has higher possibilities.

And this way, I am working with my soul and not against it – and this always brings more and more abundant and nourishing opportunities.

So don’t make it more complicated than it has to be.

All Love. All Truth.

Megyn

 

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible over the internet while I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Get exclusive love notes and private updates, stock my Instagram, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on relationships, self-love, and self-awareness.

How to get unstuck, trust your gut, and make the “right” decisions

How to get unstuck, trust your gut, and make the “right” decisions

 

No one has it all figured out.

There are no guarantees and no predictable outcomes. Even when we think we have the tools, know the stats, have done our time, or have exhausted the research — it’s still just a winding road into the uncertain, mysterious terrain of “life is a journey.”

The people who seem to have it figured out, live one day at a time, taking the next right step, as close as they can to that inner, heart-based, nudge that says, “this is right;” “this is in integrity with the only thing that matters – my truth NOW.”

What is your truth now?

It is whatever deeply nourishes you when lived, spoken, and cultivated with radical honesty. It’s a culmination of values, beliefs, standards, desires, feelings, and inclinations that lead you closer and closer into resonance with love, trust, and surrender.

Live in alignment with that. Even with no guarantees of outcomes. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it defies logic.

Your truth will change and stretch as you grow.

Life is never an “arrival.” Our highest path unveils itself in layers. It’s a constant inner distillation that plants seeds of outward expansion.

Note: As long as your truth does no harm! Harm is for neanderthals. Check in. If harm to yourself or another creates feelings of love, empowerment, and happiness you should double check, maybe go see a professional for that.

It has tunnel vision. It perpetuates stagnation and comparison.

It has confined me to limited thinking, playing small, forcing circumstances, and trying to fit into the world’s standards of success and happiness.

When a spiritual coach offered me a job opportunity a few years ago I thought it was one of those holy-serendipitous-opportunities that I had to jump on, but it soon became apparent that this coach’s integrity and mine weren’t aligned.

Instead of just dropping it or walking away, I got stuck in three days of obsessive thinking. I was looking for a sign that would clearly illustrate: “Should I quit or forge ahead? ”

Spiritual axioms like “don’t quit before the miracle” and “everything you want is on the other side of fear” were showing up in my social media feed. I was drowning in the fear of fear ruining my life.

The opportunity wouldn’t have shown up if it wasn’t meant to be in my life right?

Wrong. So wrong.

I’d forgotten my own medicine for a second. I wasn’t supposed to figure out why, how, or what if.

I was supposed to listen to my inner knowing, trust my gut feelings, and show up in alignment with my truth now: “I don’t want to participate in this. End of story.”

Then, lesson later. Sometimes much later.

When I allowed myself to finally acknowledge what was most honest for me and move in that direction, without analyzing why the clarity and relief rushed in. Through honesty with myself and my own process, I realized this was just another lesson: trust your feelings, even when they don’t make sense.

As the days unfolded, it became apparent that this coach was trying out slimy, sales tactics that would actually, as I would find out later, blow up in her face.

Resistance is not the same as fear.

It’s sometimes your angel of intuition putting her hands on your shoulder saying: “No, no, no. This isn’t your door. Not so fast.”

Our job is to put one foot in front of the other, in accord with what we are honestly feeling and being nudged to do. In spite of the rationale, the unexplained, and the unknown.

Even if it had been some “gift” I had quit on, God or the loving force of the Universe isn’t some trickster with its arms crossed wondering if “These stupid humans will get this one?” The signs, the opportunities, the omens, will come again if you miss them.

They actually come back stronger and more obvious. First, a quiet knock, then a doorbell ring, then a crashing in of your door.

So relax. Take a moment. Check into your body. Below your neck. Behind your fears. There is a magnificently, intelligent, and quiet voice that is persistent and often one we don’t want to hear — she is saying something.

Move on. This is draining. This is toxic. This is not in integrity with my worth.

Try this out. Explore this one. We’ve wanted to do this for years.

Rest. Heal. Let it go. Make space. 

Create. Have fun. Put it out there.

As long as you are at the very least trying to align with what is authentic and nourishing as opposed to chasing outcomes, and really allowing your Truth to use you as a vehicle — each action will move you closer and closer to a far more fulfilling, meaningful, and loving path than your mind can conceive.

Light and Love,

Megyn

we don't attract what we want, we attract
How to trust life when you don't have it figured out. Unconventional, non-self helpy advice on spirituality, self love, and relatonships.
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a bad ass, non-new-age, private Facebook group where we talk about real life self-love, self-awareness, and self-trust.

How to stop comparing your life to others and focus on you

How to stop comparing your life to others and focus on you

 

Whether it is because we compare our lives to the “seemingly perfect” lives of those we admire, or because of some message that has been played out over and over in in our conditioning, it’s easy to start feeling despair, or emptiness and think it’s because of some external circumstance we don’t have yet.

We get caught up in focusing on the outer situations and relationships that are missing, at the expense of truly connecting with ourselves.

It should be the other way around. We need to learn what it means to be intimate with our deepest Self; with our feelings, with our needs, with our natural rhythms, and let that internal connection build bonds and opportunities that resonate with our heart and soul.

Looking back, I can see how whenever I experienced life as falling short, or felt a pervasive unhappiness, or felt unfulfilled and depleted, I was looking to someone or something for nourishment, validation, and love.

Alternatively, when I realized I needed to strengthen the connection I had with myself, and be the “soul” provider of all feelings I was looking for in life, like being cherished, nourished, adored, and seen, the other relationships I had, including those with my career and purpose, worked themselves out.

The problem with looking for happiness and validation from someone or something outside of ourselves is we are always giving an external person or circumstance power over our emotions and experiences in life.

Healing codependency

When you look for your sense of self, wholeness, happiness, valididity and worth from external circumstances you will eventually be disappointed or let down or bored and find yourself  “searching” for that secret “something” that is missing again. This is the source of all depletion, chaos, turmoil, and toxic relationships in our life.

Why? Because we are seeking that which we should be cultivating from within, from an outside source and from positive feed-back loops. On a deeper level, we are living in a frequency of lack and neediness.

The events and circumstances of our lives, if they create pain and dis-ease, are a big clue to re-evaluate where we are behaving codependently; they are mirrors of what needs to be seen from within. Very simply, they are opportunities to cultivate more alignment with our Truth, with our hearts, and with our disowned shame, so we can cultivate a profoundly loving and whole relationship from within.

Allowing external relationships and situations to be the source of our happiness, peace, and sense of Self, is the fastest route to despair, unhealthy people pleasing and self-doubt. It is also at the heart of codependency.

It’s not that we shouldn’t expect a healthy level of loving, mindful, reciprocity in relationships, or feel fired up by what we are putting out into the world — but we are better off discovering from within what has us chasing outside circumstances and people as the source of what we are wanting to feel in our lives.

We need to build a strong primary relationship with ourselves as women, which has less to do with your mind, and more to do with showing up for all parts of your experience.

When I healed the trauma, imprinting, and beliefs running in the background that kept me chasing love; that said I wasn’t good enough, and that had me deeply fearful of abandonment, I felt more nurtured and cherished by myself, and as a result I showed up in my life differently.

I had to become the source of all the respect, love, compassion, and validation I needed. I was the soul provider of my self esteem and power. I became my beloved.

Do I still desire partnership? Absolutely! But now because I feel so connected and whole from within, I can enter into any partnership, intimate or otherwise, without chasing or grasping; with a profound sense of my needs and value, and without fear that “I need to make this one work out.”

We have to be forever diligent, always asking, “Am I looking to this career, friend, recognition, material item, or relationship to save me? Do I look for mirrors of my validity and self-worth in the world?”

No one and no thing outside of ourselves can give us all the feelings of support and love we need.

The way to create peace, happiness, meaning, and fulfillment in our lives is to build an intimate and whole connection with ourselves.

We must be curious, honor our needs and rhythms, and find radical self-acceptance for where we are now.

We must build trusting and honest connections with our hearts. We must learn to nurture and show up for ourselves in nourishing ways,  then all the other connections we have will reflect this sacred love back to us.

With a deep sense of self-worth, self-love, and healthy self-respect, we will experience more of that in our relationships and outer circumstances.

Make the sacred connection with Self, the source of your power and then you are truly empowered.

Light and Love

Megyn

we don't attract what we want, we attract
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, spiritual myth buster, self-love coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness.

I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

8 Unique Questions To Help You Find Your Purpose

8 Unique Questions To Help You Find Your Purpose

I used to desperately want to KNOW my purpose, then I became so frustrated with trying to “find my purpose,” I eventually gave up. It lost its allure.

Tired of fighting against myself and looking for some formula or path that would guarantee success, I decided I would do everything I could each day to just be kind to myself.

I would honor my heart’s quiet nudges; I would honor my needs, even if they felt unglamourous or mundane like paying my bills, or folding clean laundry still sitting in my bedroom chair. I would do things that jived with my soul and say no to the things that didn’t. I would listen to my discomfort, which often showed me feelings I was ignoring.

Pretty quickly I started doing things that came from inspired, heartfelt, nourishing action that was in alignment with my core values, as opposed to the conditioning of the mind, or fear-based chasing and proving –– even if it seemed outrageous or silly. And you know what, I somehow started writing again, about things I really wanted to talk about.

The problem with all this open your heart, live your purpose, face-your-fears-empowerment jargon is that it can become spiritual junk food. We are consuming personal empowerment and positive thinking by the pound but still crave something more or even worse — trying to fit our lives into someone else’s definition of success. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love inspiring quotes and little nuggets of wisdom. I am grateful to the thought leaders who want to share their happiness and success stories, but most of them didn’t wake up one morning and know exactly what their “purpose” was. They didn’t go out and immediately start their ideal career, write a New York bestseller, or launch a successful program right out of the shoot.

Most of the people living and talking about finding their purpose, myself included, had a lot of messy growth, trial and error, play with life, and inner examination to go through before we felt like we had found that sweet spot between flow, success, happiness, and passion.

If you haven’t found your purpose yet — relax. It’s okay.

In fact I would say stop trying to “find” it. It implies that a piece of your life is missing. It puts you in a constant state of angst looking for something “out there” which you have not “found” yet.

I don’t mean you are lost, but rather that living in alignment with your purpose is a path — a path that leads you closer to your Self and into deeper and deeper layers of your Truth.

When I began playing full out with my natural gifts and passions, ignoring if it all made sense or not; when I started doing what felt nourishing instead of running around in fear — I found that my mission and purpose were unfolding in front of me in ways I could never have planned out.

It is on this journey where you are in pursuit of greater self-acceptance, self-awareness, and expansion that you will be naturally aligned with your ever evolving purpose.

When you endeavor to live from and honor your Truth and core values without trying to be something you are not, you create the space to become a more loving, truthful version of who you are.

The universe responds to love with more love. It isn’t possible to fail if you pursue your life from a place of being more authentically aligned with you. Will there be setbacks? Sure. Will there be twists and turns? Of course. But with trust and openness you can be in harmony with the journey instead of working against it.

Here are my favorite questions to ask yourself. If you can answer these and take little action steps each week and just play, you will be living on purpose.

  • What are the voids you see in life? What do you want to fix or change in the world?
  • When do you feel the most free? How do you like to play? When do you feel creative?
  • What do you want to do less of?
  • What would you love to do more of?
  • What do you enjoy talking about, thinking about, spending time doing?
  • When do you feel the most connected?
  • What feelings make you feel happy and peaceful? For me, they were connection, security, and freedom.
  • What can I do to support myself more? To honor me?

The thoughts that come up that you think are ridiculous — run with those. That is your heart talking to you.

Share them with me here! I love hearing about what makes people feel alive, creative and free!
Light and Love

Megyn

 

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a bad ass, non-new-age, private Facebook group where we talk about real life self-love, self-awareness, and self-trust.

The dangers of the “McPositive Thinking” craze!

The dangers of the “McPositive Thinking” craze!

 

I’ve been a professional Pollyanna my whole life. Which means, I am a hopeless optimist and I can positive think my way through any challenging situation.

Happiness is a choice? Give me the option — I always choose happy.

So many of us on the path to a purposeful life and spiritual practice have learned that our thoughts create our reality. Because of this, we have diligently monitored and censored our negative thoughts, emotions, and beliefs for years.

The problem is spiritual platitudes like “everything happens for a reason” and “there is always a silver lining” sometimes aren’t taking enough responsibility — the responsibility for what’s showing up in our lives and more importantly the responsibility to heal.

Let me explain.

In my mid-twenties I was diagnosed with a rare disease caused by a benign brain tumor that produces too much growth hormone. Because the internet wasn’t as prolific back then I didn’t have access to very much information.  The doctor’s reports were doom and gloom with the possibility of unwanted side effects down the road. My body had already suffered from some physical changes.

It was a scary time — for about a second.

I immediately went into acceptance; accepting that I had no control over the situation and decided that if life was giving me lemons, I was making lemonade. I got into bodybuilding because the growth hormone gave me a natural advantage to put on muscle; plus, to be honest, I had always dealt with body image issues and I wanted the perfect body.

I completely brushed off any fear, anger or sadness and just muscled through the emotional pain — literally.

Years later, after an abusive relationship ended and in the interest of taking full responsibility for my part, I began to re-evaluate my life and all the ways I had been showing up that had not served me.

I began to unravel a theme —  I’d accepted everyone and everything in my life because everything “was in Divine Order”; or everyone was doing the best they could with the tools they had.

I’d never considered fully feeling any painful emotions like loss, betrayal, disappointment, regret, sadness, or anger — I wanted to be happy.

What I didn’t realize, was that this was a maladaptive coping mechanism in order to not deal with the uncomfortable emotions that come with being human. Somewhere along the way, primarily in my childhood, I picked up the message that it wasn’t safe to feel. That I was safe, secure and loved when I was perfectly happy, and that this made everyone around me happy too. As a result, I had some pretty well-hidden wounds.

When we don’t allow ourselves to grieve and feel our hurt and our pain, no matter how irrational they may seem to our minds, they stick around as disowned beliefs, wounds and imprints.

Emotions are energy in motion (E + motion), they need to be released otherwise they get stored and fester creating problems later on down the road.

We have an emotional and spiritual body just like we have a physical body, and when one of them is sick your whole energy system is off. As a result, these subconscious wounds will dictate the frequency we create our life from.

Think about this, if we are cutting ourselves off from a valid part of the human experience, aren’t we in a way saying we don’t completely love ourselves? That we don’t accept who we are, human messiness and all?

We can better align with a frequency of Love and create with more ease and flow when we accept and nurture all parts of ourselves. I started doing this by first going into my body instead of my head when I felt a strong emotion. I allowed the emotion space and even fell apart from time to time. I would ask myself a series of grounding questions like “Where do I feel this?” “How old do I feel?”

I was careful not to shame myself about having the emotions. I would lovingly nurture myself, instead of looking for someone else to do it; and I would say “It’s okay to feel this Megyn, you are only human, I love you anyway.” And when I was done feeling whatever it was that was coming up for me, immediately I felt lighter, and more WHOLE!

Feeling the uncomfortable emotions was never as bad as my head had built it up to be, in fact, the emotions moved through me much quicker than I had ever anticipated.

We don’t have to react from our emotions. It’s actually better not to; but we can honor them, use them as guides, and give them space so they don’t get trapped and show up as toxic behaviors like addiction, projection, shame and lack of self-trust.

Using positive thoughts and affirmations are a great way to stay focused, keep your monkey mind at bay and develop new neural pathways; but they only work on the rational and logical level. If you are using them at the expense of other parts of your Being that are asking to be heard you could possibly be blocking the doorway into healing.

Fellow LOVERS know this: 

Then you can go out into the world and emit all that Love you just gave yourself.


Postscript: This post was originally debuted on The Daily Love. I never dreamed I’d be a contributor for TDL but sometimes as I have said over and over again, when we take responsibility for healing, we can align with our hearts and then the world will open up to us in ways our minds could never have imagined. Thank you for all the support!

All Love. All Truth.

Megyn

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram, and get private access to the Wholehuman Tribe, a soulful support group for real life talk on relationships and self-love and spirituality.

 

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