Why “choosing happy” is making you miserable

Why “choosing happy” is making you miserable

 

I have never met anyone who would “choose unhappy.” Most of the people I interact with are looking for inner peace, happiness, and general feelings of ease and trust, and most of these people are STEEPED in personal empowerment and self-help.

Perception is a choice.

And even then, a miracle of “perception shift” must address the underlying, conditional, and relational wounding which has people feeling “safe” or more “significant” within their victim stories and perceptions.

“Happiness is a choice” is one of those reductive, overly simplistic self-help-spiritual platitudes that I have seen people use to create a more “enlightened” sense of self; to spiritually bypass core discomfort, which essentially creates more of what we are trying to heal: the disconnect between our mind, body, heart, and spirit.

Yes it is true, some people will use their negative emotions as an excuse to live in that space of “victimhood” or “inaction” but most often I find when you help the “seeker” find out what they are really feeling, underneath their persistent thoughts and emotions, then teach them how they can acknowledge, feel, and heal these beliefs and STILL love themselves, happiness usually has space to naturally flow in and out of one’s life without all the grasping, chasing, denying, and “shoulding” and all over one’s self.

Please, let’s not create more shame in people’s lives by over simplifying the #wholehuman experience.

All Love. All Truth

 

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

 

How to find your happy place when the shit is hitting the fan.

How to find your happy place when the shit is hitting the fan.

In spite of all our meditating, deep breathing and positive thinking, sometimes our best efforts to come back to center and “feel better” just don’t work. Sometimes the chaos, the stress, or the a@%hole on the freeway really do steal our serenity.

We’ve all been there, in between “What else can go wrong?”, “I’m not sure I can keep it together,” and the self-help fairies whispering in your ear: “Don’t stay in this place. You’ll attract more negativity into your life. You are bigger than this.”

The new-age, self-help paradigms that have us “choosing happiness” and monitoring our negative mind-stream are great for introducing us to our co-creative powers; they teach us that we aren’t necessarily “our stories,” but they are only ONE SMALL piece of the puzzle.

Too often teachings around “consciousness” and “empowerment” get recited, and regurgitated, and implemented in way which actually creates “spiritual by-passing” and self-abandonment. We dismiss the essential intelligences of what we deem negative, and never actually learn how to discover the deeper, disowned, Truths they are showing us.

Most people have never experienced what a non-judgmental, safe space feels like; most people have some trauma or conditioning that tells them they are safe, secure and loved when they are in control, happy and inspired; most of the women I’ve worked with have no clue how to access self-compassion. And as a result of all this self-help indoctrination, we unknowingly create more internal angst and shame because we don’t know how to get our intellectual lives to match up with our emotional experiences.

Maybe it’s time to learn how to have a glorious adult temper tantrum?

Here is how you do it.

Whether you have been betrayed, disrespected or overlooked — maybe just over worked, over tired, or simply over it, the essence is the same: your center is some far off distant land and you can feel the tension mounting in your body. You need to release some energy without making things worse, or putting someone in harms way.

Ball up your fists. Scrunch up your face a little bit. Start stomping your feet or pounding your pillow, then unleash your inner “five year old.” Really let her rip.

This is your opportunity to allow yourself the space to say and think all those things your highest self would never say and think.

“Who the fuckity-fuck-fuck?” “What the flying fuck?”

I often find myself laughing or smiling in the middle of one of these conscious temper tantrums because very quickly the tension is released. I can hear myself saying things I KNOW are not true; that I don’t really believe, and it’s gloriously cleansing to not be super human for just a moment.

I promise the negativity trolls won’t come make your life miserable. You are not dis-empowering yourself by calling an asshole an asshole. Getting in touch with your five year old does not make you weak, or unconscious, or lower your vibration. And, I promise you will feel lighter, loved, heard, and probably have a wonderful day.

The root of self-compassion is honoring and allowing every aspect of your experience to be heard, which is the only way to not bypass your “stuff” and get intimate with your wounding.

When we try to make our bodies, feelings, and emotional experiences different without releasing them, the emotions get stuck and saved into the “deal with later’ box.

Feeling our emotions and feelings actually ground us back into our bodies. One humongous, important reason why we have them.

Create a sacred, safe space for feeling and talking about your emotions.

  • Get to know your tender parts intimately so they don’t get projected.
  • Love the hurt, scared, fearful aspects of yourself without shame.
  • Don’t immediately analyze or try to feel different in that moment.
  •  Love and acknowledge what is being shown to you.
  • See if you can find the one within you who has reverence and unconditional love for the part of you that isn’t perfectly healed, conscious or positive.
  • Save the higher perspective and positive affirmations for later.

Because we are human, and this journey is about being human, we must feel to heal.

Sacred containers to release emotions + no judgement = safe space, love, and a warm heart.

Light and Love

Meg

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

A prayer for recovering “choose happy” addicts – Because we all have bad days

A prayer for recovering “choose happy” addicts – Because we all have bad days

 

You might not know it if you are comparing yourself to strangers on the internet, but the reality is, that the internet and Facebook aren’t reality.

No one ever feels perfect all the time…

Isn’t that a relief?

I actually get a little angry when I see quotes flying around about “choose happy” and “happiness is a choice.”

Ultimately happiness is a consequence of feeling like we have choices; of feeling empowered in our lives.

Happiness is more likely to flow through you when you aren’t fighting for it. It’s a natural emotion that comes when we feel resourced and whole from within, which means allowing what arises in us to be seen.

And some days, it’s totally appropriate, dare I say it – to not choose happy.

Ironically my life has become infinitely more joyous, peaceful, trusting and loving because I stopped trying to be a positive Pollyanna all the freaking time.

Which is why when you embrace whatever it is that you might be feeling, you move through it more ease, grace and trust.

Now, my “off days” are far less ominous and I feel safe and seen and nurtured. As long as I stay away from “shoulding” all over myself.

I wrote this during one of my voracious journaling periods; kind of like Picasso’s Blue period, the kind where you just give all your crazy over to God on paper or canvas or whatever medium you see fit.

This is a prayer for when you feel lost, off track, melancholy or fear.

I Trust Prayer

I trust in the divines love that I am connected to.

I trust I am loved unconditionally.

I trust I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

I trust in my heart.

I trust in abundance and beauty.

I trust that tomorrow brings with it new opportunities to love myself and start anew.

I trust in the divine order of things; that I will get everything I need in order to serve my soul’s highest path.

I trust in a beautiful process that I can not understand.

I trust my life has value. I trust I am lovable just the way I am. I trust that expansion and connection live in me.

I trust that I am trusting and allowing more.

I trust that I know what is best for me.

I trust that I’ll always find a way. I trust that I will be shown the next move. I trust that my job is to listen.

I trust that this is a stepping stone.

I trust that I always have a choice.

I trust that I have all I need inside of me to create the loving life I desire. I trust that God, Source, Light walk with me.

I trust that I don’t have control over anything but me.

I trust that there are signs and guidance when I get out of my own way.

I trust that what is meant to come will come into my life, and what is meant to leave I can let go of.

I trust that when I get centered and I am still I can hear you, see you and feel you.

I trust that life is on my side.

I trust that when I am connected to myself, even more than I can imagine will flow through me.

I trust that I can grieve and feel all my feelings safely today .

I trust that you hear me with out me speaking.

I trust.

I love hearing from you, comment below and share if you think this is good, great, awesome.

Light and Love

Megyn

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL AS MUCH JOY, TRUST, AND LOVE AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE, NOW!

My mission is to bridge the gap that exists between high-level-woo-woo-spiritulity, self-love and your everyday life. Stick around, kick up your heels, read for a while. I am sure we'll be fast friends.

How to never miss a sign again.

How to never miss a sign again.

Perhaps, what we most often miss are the signals that it’s time to move on, shift, re-focus, and let go.

We get so caught up in the determination, the not being a “failure,” the “looking good”, the fear of “is this is the last one that will ever love me”, that we forget the whole point of this journey – enjoy it. 

I did this a lot in my past: allowed low-grade, internal corrosion, tolerable amounts of confusion, pain, chaos and turmoil, all while I clung, chased, grasped, and forced circumstances in my life that were trying to go. I thought the pain and chaos were bad luck, bad boyfriends, or difficult planetary aspects (kind of a joke, but not really), but it was never about them. It was more about my willingness to listen to and honor what my feelings were telling me, and then own what was clearly not working.

The chaos, pain, and turmoil show up – are there to show you, exactly where you are out of sync. To gently and sometimes forcibly get you to recognize what you have been avoiding.

What needs your attention? Something or someone needs to go? What is out of alignment? What is draining and not empowering? Do you need to show up differently? Do you need to politely say “this is not working for me.”

Someone needs to be honest, and it’s probably you.

It can be terribly difficult to be honest, especially with ourselves. It’s uncomfortable. It’s sometimes messy, and there are always going to be emotions to acknowledge and work through. But I promise, pointing the finger back at yourself, as opposed to someone else, is always more illuminating. And, it’s also radically responsible.

If there is one thing I know for sure, and I don’t know a lot for sure, for sure, it’s that being radically responsible for what is coming through you in your life is the fastest way to create more fulfilling and nourishing circumstances, and to feel empowered.

The paradox of personal responsibility is there are more choices and way more freedom, but you can’t exercise that freedom if you are ignoring, clinging, and chasing.

You can’t allow for more peaceful nourishing circumstances in your life if you are burying your head in the sand, or playing the victim, or if you aren’t looking at how you co-created some part in the chaos.

Nothing that is meant for you will miss you, and nothing that is meant for you should be anything less than nourishing. Stand for that.

Will there be work? Of course.

Will there be compromise? Absolutely.

Will everything always be shiny and beautiful? Most likely not.

But underneath all those Truth and heart aligned choices will be an ever present state of peace, ease, and joy which = nourishment and love.

In order to invite in, make space, and allow for bigger and more empowering circumstances to move in, we have to be willing to ask some questions about how we are showing up and confront the uncomfortable aspects of ourselves.

Why is this drain still in my life? What am I afraid to let go of? What am I afraid to say, do, acknowledge in me, that would create this void and uncertainty? What situation is begging for me to set a healthy boundary, or risk making someone mad?

When we trust – oh-so-deeply trust, that what is meant to be ours on a high level will find it’s way to us, we can get out of our own damn way (our heads telling us to “fight” or “make the most out of this one”) and calmly stand in our inner authority; our gentle yet bold certainty, and declare I am willing to allow the highest to unfold in ways I can’t foresee yet.

This is the rhythm of flow. This is where our backbone meets our wishbone. This is where we embody our power.

Your job is to be brave. Be honest. Stay true. Show up. Stand up.

Do. No. Harm. Ever. Most importantly, to yourself.

Light and Love, Megyn

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

 

Is your gratitude and positive thinking practice doing more harm than good?

Is your gratitude and positive thinking practice doing more harm than good?

I’m all for gratitude.

I love “everything happens for a reason” and finding the lesson in a difficult situation. I believe there is wisdom in looking at ourselves and our stories. It is noble to take radical responsibility.

But what about our emotions? What about the legitimacy of the feelings that arise when you’re in the middle of the “shit storm”?

As a spiritual aspirant – I’m guilty.

I’m guilty of getting caught up in the positive thinking and manifesting madness that has us monitoring every negative thought, feeling, and emotion.

But the spiritual concepts like “happiness is a choice” and “your thoughts create your reality” can be confusing and tormenting if misunderstood. And quite frankly, I witness a lot of misunderstanding.

I was a chronic positive-think-my-way-into-a-different-perspective kind of girl. I had experienced a little bit of trauma: my parents went through a divorce, a close family member was murdered, my step-mom committed suicide, I got diagnosed with a rare brain tumor, then I nearly died and spent 10 days barely holding on to life in the hospital, and oh-by-the-way, an abusive relationship just for fun all before the age of 35.

Yet, I remained positive. I had been shifting and observing my thoughts for years through personal development and mindfulness. I could silver line a nuclear Holocaust.

But there was a cost: I was severely disconnected from my intuition, my inner knowing, and I didn’t trust myself.

And isn’t that kind of the point of spiritual practice? Of working on ourselves? To be deeply rooted in who we are, to trust our intuition, so we can then have abundant spiritual and human experiences?

If you are here, you probably don’t need to disassociate from your feelings anymore. Most of us get onto this path because we are energetically sensitive, empathetic, emotional people who have never learned how to feel what we are feeling (different from emotional triggers) without making ourselves wrong.

When we focus on our stories and limiting beliefs without acknowledging the core messages that lie underneath the emotions and thoughts, it is just another way the ego disassociates – kind of like an addict going for alcohol to avoid the discomfort of living.

As a result of never allowing our deepest feelings and beliefs to come to the surface, we separate ourselves further from our sensitivities, from our intuition, and from feeling connected from within. We actually exacerbate the very situation we are trying to fix: our relationship with our Truth and ourselves.

If we aren’t a sacred place to be fully human, messiness and all — then who and what are we looking to for that wholeness, for our power?

When I realized this was just a way to give the ego more power (directing the mind at the expense of feeling my core feelings) and that I was actually acting out of fear, because I hated myself for being vulnerable, I knew it was time to develop a new relationship with my whole self.

Yes, it’s important to not buy into the place called “crazy-town” in our minds. Yes, it is important to be aware of our reactive emotions. Yes, it is important to take personal responsibility. Yes, it is important to not project all of our wounds and soft spots onto someone else, blaming them for what we are feeling at the moment, but . . .

The beauty of being a soul having a human experience, is in finding the courage to acknowledge our tender, wounded, broken, and messy without shame, with total acceptance, with some reverence, and with humility, so we can heal the original source wound of separation from love; so we can cultivate a deep level of intimacy, trust, and truth with ourselves and with others.

The beauty of our emotions is that they are the doorway into deeper, unheard, wounds, and beliefs. They are the bridge and the channel for unconditional love with ourselves, for honest communication with others, and for being fully present in the here and now.

Through honoring the language of our emotions, of our feelings, and of our experiences, we heal years of denied, repressed, stored, grief material that creates the filter we navigate our life from.

Connecting to our feelings is the difference between a “good” spiritual practice and an actual spiritual experience.

When we learn how to feel, heal, integrate, and become whole, we get laughter through tears, joy in the middle of breakdowns, peace in the face of chaos, and trust in the face of the unknown.

Through experiencing all we were meant to experience here, we get glorious #Wholehuman™ living.

Light and Love
Megyn

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

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