Pure Curiosity: Real Talk with Iris McAlpine on Grief, Loss and Spiritual Narcissism

Pure Curiosity: Real Talk with Iris McAlpine on Grief, Loss and Spiritual Narcissism

When Iris McAlpine asked me to do this podcast interview for her new podcast Pure Curiosity, I was onboard immediately. Iris and I have only met once, but we connected because of our similar backgrounds in the “positive psychology vortex,” and because she and I both agree self-love and personal transformation are more nuanced experiences then is often purported in the soundbites of the self-help world.

Listen in as Iris McAlpin and I compassionately offer up more complete understandings of what a healing journey often looks like. Tough topics like how to deal with grief and loss, why most women struggle with identifying their needs, using self-help as spiritual bypassing, and the pain of having so much love to give while having nowhere to “put it” just to name a few.

For anyone who has been “working on themselves,” or trying to have more meaningful human and life experiences — Iris and I will give you a loving dose of reality as well as some practical tools.

 

You can find Iris McAlpin on Facebook and Instagram and her podcast, Pure Curiosity, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

Love your broken heart: It’s how the Light gets in.

Love your broken heart: It’s how the Light gets in.

I overheard a “Dr.”, presumably a psychologist, asking people to sign up for her course on getting over breakups so they could “never have their heart broken again.”

On the spiritual side of things I read quotes like “no one can hurt you” which is a great example of the simplistic, reductive, and one-dimensional misrepresentations of the Wholehuman experience.

The commodification of pop-psychology, self-help, and spirituality have produced “teachers,” “seekers,” and authors that regurgitate misinformation out of the wholehuman context – espousing high-minded ideals at the expense of understanding the relational, developmental, and conditional aspects of being human.

Shares and likes and followers, sellable soundbites, and towing a “spiritual line” seem to be more important than the complex, nuanced, multidimensional, and often messy Truth of human relationships.

On a stripped down basic level we are all trying desperately not to get our hearts broken by other people, by life, and by ourselves. But the fact of the matter is, if we are truly living, open, and vulnerable, embodied and integrated — our hearts will be broken over and over again.

Not only because of the loss of a loved one, or when a dream dies, or when another human being does something hurtful, but because when we are committed to the Truth and seeing our responsibility and in devotion to Love, it is inevitable that we will have to let go of aspects and ideas of ourselves that just don’t work anymore.

And another layer of bullshit to shed or another distortion we can’t take with us can sometimes equal sorrow, heartbreak, grief, and discomfort. 

While we are hardwired to avoid these things, they are actually essential to the demonstration and reception of our own love. They are THE access points for deep self-compassion.

I’ve seen time and time again in my own life and with the women I work with, when we embrace the parts of us or the wounds which have been unconsciously running the show, we can tenderly hold ourselves while we simultaneously grieve through letting go.

When we finally show up for our #wholehuman experience without shoving it to the side or calling it “not true” or dismissing it as some irrational “story,” the heart that breaks is the heart that opens and how the LOVE gets in.

All freaking love. All truth

Megyn

Tell me about your own heartbreak in the comments below. I love hearing from my readers!

heartbreak and heart opening are the same thing. How to heal your broken heart. Read more MegynBlanchard.com

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

Being authentic is the most loving thing you can do, so why are we so bad at it?

Being authentic is the most loving thing you can do, so why are we so bad at it?

LIving in your truth is less about making shit happen and more about letting shit go.

Over the summer I was wrestling around with a profound contraction cycle. I kept hearing an inner voice that said “Stop! Take a break. Stop DOING for a while, and just BE.”

My mind was like, “No! That’s craziness. We need to keep up the pace. You are already like five years behind.”

Thankfully I’m familiar with the inner guidance and intuitive nudges that often don’t make sense and I trust them more than my head, so I surrendered — “Okay, I trust something will come through if I let go for a while.” And it did.

After three months of forgetting about trying TO DO MORE, (I only worked with one-on-one clients, and I binge watched The Black List and The News Room) I was able to ground into more of my own authentic Truth that often gets drowned out by the noise and messages we are bombarded with every day.

I had gotten in my own way, lost in the fray of everything that is “internet marketing”, and trying to be “successful”, and I was feeling resistance to making other people’s “business models” and comfort zones fit into my Truth.

The a-ha moment was: I didn’t want to be popular, I wanted to teach, and tell the truth, and share my insight, and be a relatable, accessible, human being, without all the selfies. Puh-leeze!

I’m not an online personality. I’m a teacher.

I’m not a green smoothie drinking yogi. I’m a meat eating bodybuilder.

I’m not shy and soft. I’m emphatic and effervescent.

I’m not going to be politically correct or tow a spiritual line, I’m going to tell the Whole. Damn. Truth. while deconstructing concepts so they are practical and implementable.

One of the quotes that were circulating through my mind at this time was from Eat Pray Love, by Liz Gilbert: “But at some point you have to make peace with what you were given, and if God wanted me to be a shy girl with thin, dark hair, he would have made me that way, but He didn’t. Useful, then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein.”

The truth about being authentic and living in integrity, is you have to KNOW who you are, outside of all of the codependent people pleasing and external validation.

And. So. Many. People. Don’t

You have to know, honor, and stand for your core values, beliefs, standards, feelings, and desires like a freaking life raft, or you’ll get swept up in the tide, and wake up on the wrong shore.

You have to FEEL INTO and BE IN the totality of your experience here, including your disowned shame (because as unpopular as shame has become these days, we all have it, or in other words, we all have a part of us that doesn’t love us).

I wish I could tell you that being authentic and living in integrity were as simple as making a “choice” or deciding to, but unfortunately, because most of us are operating through relational wounding, conditioning, and trauma, we typically only have access to the mind or fear based constructs and identities that we’ve created throughout life (unconsciously) to guarantee us safety, security, and love.

As a result, what we often think of as being “authentic” or “fully expressed” or in integrity, isn’t coming from our hearts, especially if we’ve been hypnotized by the “positive thinking,” “I am already love” allure, which has us spiritually bypassing and never sifting through our wounding to reconnect to the purity of our core: our authentic self.

Deep self-connection (which makes authenticity possible) is another level of Knowing. It requires some curiosity, some intention, some vulnerability, some trust, and a whole lot of honesty and compassion with our disowned self-hate, fear, and hurt.

Living in integrity, living in alignment, being authentic from our wholeness, is quite literally an act of self-love; a way of showing up for ourselves, the way we stop the bleeding out, the despair, the feeling unseen, and the depletion that comes from codependent people pleasing, playing small, and trying to squeeze into boxes.

When we don’t show up fully expressed, when we don’t honor our Truth, when we abandon our core values, when we use positive thinking, personal empowerment, and self-help to dismiss or spiritualize away our shame, we are imperceptibly, participating in self-abandonment, which creates voids of self-love that we then go out into the world and co-dependently look for something/someone to take care of our self-love gaps.

So yes, a lack of integrity comes from a lack of self-love, but knowing who we are, and being authentic, and living in integrity, is the most loving and healing thing we can do for ourselves, even with all the unknowns!

All love. All truth.

Megyn

LIving in your truth is less about making shit happen and more about letting shit go.
a-lack-of-integrity-and-authenticity-comes-from-a-lack-of-self-love
Being authentic is the most loving thing you can do, so why are we so bad at it?
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible over the internet while I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Get exclusive love notes and private updates, stock my Instagram, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on relationships, self-love, and self-awareness.

 

How to make peace with where you are now (hint: you are not broken)

How to make peace with where you are now (hint: you are not broken)

This is the biggest struggle I see my clients dealing with: they think they are supposed to arrive at some “enlightened”, perfectly-happy-utopian-place, and reside there all the time.

They think bliss and euphoria are a constant state. They believe they should never make a mistake, or have a negative thought, or be triggered again.

The problem is we look up to guides, teachers, and thought leaders and put them on pedestals, or make them superhuman. This is especially true in the age of social media where we are seeing snippets of people’s lives.

We hear about their profound insights and it’s easy to get caught up in the illusion that there is a journey from point A to point B. But, there is no point B, there is only the experience of the journey. We just get to decide how we want this experience to go.

Spirituality, Law of Attraction, and self-help can be a slippery slope into muscling through our mind’s acrobatics; into sidestepping the conditional and relational truths of being human, which leaves us further disconnected from ourselves.

The journey of being a soul having a human experience is about finding our light and our divinity through our humanity, not through escaping it.

The difference is, in transformation, we learn how to be with ourselves instead of avoiding ourselves. We learn how to love ourselves, without relying on the external world to tell us when we are lovable. To that end, perfection is an illusion and inevitably there will be pivots, shifts, breakdowns, and emptying out periods as we discover deeper and deeper connections with our own love and truth.

The practice: love yourself through everything you are experiencing.

Destruction of old identities, coping mechanisms, and avoidance techniques is not comfortable! Revolution is messy! Don’t shame yourself or your process. Learn to really TRUST your messy, confused, pissed off, lonely, and angry. They are showing you things, primarily where to show up for yourself more honestly, and wholeheartedly.

This is the only way. To accept and love it all. And through your non-resistance comes peace and clearings, and more profound levels of love and connection with yourself.

The truth is you have to fall off track a few times to realize where you want to be; you have to be so sick of your own shit that you become willing to do the uncomfortable work.

No one said this path was easy. If it was, everyone would do it.

All Love,

Megyn

You have to fall of track a few times. visit www.megynblanchard.com for a free self love e course
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

 

How to make regret free decisions

How to make regret free decisions

 

There is a fork in the road. You are presented with a choice. Life delivers yet another opportunity. You know it’s time to decide. . .

Should you say yes? Email back? Forge ahead? Remain open? Repair? Mend, or re-commit?

We all want easy, regret free decisions and a certain level of knowing that we’ve chosen the highest path.

It’s time to go deep. Listen.

Does it feel open? Light? Calm? Warm? Loving?

Or does something feel like chasing? Grasping? Settling?

Does it feel closed off? Sticky? Icky? Contracted or like pushing?

Does it feel inviting, effortless, soft, deep?

Notice, when trying to make a decision, something like fear usually comes up.

Don’t be afraid of fear. Fear and resistance are normal and healthy. We just have to be able to discern one from the other.

Fear and resistance are confusing. I know. I got the two mixed up a lot in my past, especially before I addressed the deep, internal beliefs that I wasn’t supported by Life; that I would be abandoned if I didn’t show up perfectly. Which is insanity. Your only job is to endeavor to show up for yourself more fully, compassionately, honestly and patiently. Just the simple act of trying to listen to your inner knowing, is a huge step in the Light direction.

Quick lesson: Fear, oh-so-totally normal when you are pushing your edge. When you are stepping into something bigger; healthy anxiety when growth is invited in.

Resistance – tricky close cousin to fear. More like an intuitive holding back. Little whispers: “This isn’t for you. This is just a distraction. This is not your door.”

Resistance, more often than not, is a good indicator that you should not muscle through. It’s like a blessing disguised as procrastination. Resistance is your spiritual wing-man.

So I call on my inner knowing and say leave the analyzing for another time.

Try to avoid calling all your friends, painful late night rumination, and predicting outcomes – none of it matters.

None of it is anything but the illusion of control, which we don’t really have.

This is worth reiterating. Control and predictable outcomes – are only an illusion.

I promise, life laughs at me every time I think I have something figured out.

In order to continue making choices that carry us down an ever expanding, nourishing, loving path you have to go within – below the mind and into the body.

What does this feel like? Without any thoughts attached? What does my body, inner knowing, highest self want me to know?

I always know when I am ignoring my intuition because it causes mind racing, the need for constant validation, and outside approval. It feels stressful.

When I go with my internal nudges, that don’t always make sense, it feels like relief; like a two ton weight has been lifted off my back. It feels freeing.

I still may never have the exact meaning, purpose or outcome exactly right. It’s okay, I’m not supposed to. I still may feel some discomfort, especially if there is another soul involved, but I will feel relief in my body.

This is about letting go and trusting that a part of me, my higher self that speaks to me through feelings and intuition is leading me somewhere more in alignment, and has higher possibilities.

And this way, I am working with my soul and not against it – and this always brings more and more abundant and nourishing opportunities.

So don’t make it more complicated than it has to be.

All Love. All Truth.

Megyn

 

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible over the internet while I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Get exclusive love notes and private updates, stock my Instagram, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on relationships, self-love, and self-awareness.

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