How to forgive and move on without an apology – because some people are a**holes

How to forgive and move on without an apology – because some people are a**holes

I always wanted to believe that people were as honest, as sincere, and as apologetic as me. And that was the problem – I thought if I owned my stuff then you should own your stuff too. . . and apologize.

So I would allow people to stay in my life past the expiration date of the relationship, past the mutual growth opportunities, and play the role of surprised-victimized-over-giver-door-mat.

Then I got it: Don’t play with, engage, or argue with assholes, people committed to their illusions, or bad-behavior-participators. Ever!

Why? Because assholes never know they are assholes.

So what makes us think that we can make them realize they are behaving badly? Or acting unconsciously? Or being disrespectful? Or behaving with zero awareness of their impact on other people? Or justifying seriously lame, manipulative tactics to get back into our little corner of the world?

Before I understood boundaries, I thought it was my job to get someone to behave in a kind, respectful manner towards me.

I thought I should point out how they were manipulating, or how unloving and uncaring their behavior was – and then I would get an apology.

It only kept me entangled with said asshole. It actually gave the asshole more fuel for their fire because they had an in: they could keep coming back into my life, acting like an unconscious jerk over and over again because the door was always open. When in actuality, I turned into the asshole that had to make sure they knew they were wrong and or get them to rectify their behavior.

This is probably the biggest lesson I’ve ever learned:

In fact, said asshole, if he wasn’t an asshole, would know his behavior was borderline inhumane, disrespectful, manipulative or unkind and would quickly make amends without you nudging them, and they certainly wouldn’t continue to participate in said behavior.

Remaining entangled in depleting relationships or with people committed to their insanity. . . is insanity.

Trying to get someone to see or admit that what they did was wrong then be sorry for it (so we can feel better) is giving away our power.

Think about it like this: would you behave that unkindly? Unconsciously? Probably not.

Because you aren’t an asshole.

My inquiry into my realm of power was a rather stark realization that I was powerless over other people and that the best thing I could do was accept that said asshole was committed to their behavior and that I was suffocating my spirit and abusing my heart by waiting for them to wake up and NOT want to be an asshole.

When I accepted that I can’t change people, that this was actually codependent behavior, I was honestly relieved.

I could totally release all focus on them and look at my healing responsibility in the situation. I could settle into what I really believed to be good, kind, respectful behavior and then live in integrity with that in my own life, without trying to get everyone else to believe or behave at with the same values and standards.

Translation: I own up to my side of the street and where my power starts and stops, then discern who fits into my life without making it about them, but rather making it about my commitment to myself and my heart.

This is actually when you are most powerful: we heal codependent behavior when we stop relying on other people to make us feel better.

The warning is this, even when you take full responsibility for your side of the street, for said asshole being in your life and then discern it’s not working anymore without blaming them and then politely explain what is in integrity for you and that it just doesn’t fit any kind of relationship or entanglement with them, said asshole will probably never hear you.

But at least now you can move on without making it about someone else; just stick to your knowing about what is good and right in your life.

Share this with someone who could use some love from you.

All Love, All Truth,

Megyn

Read: How to forgive and move on without an apology
everyone has their own definition of love. How to forgive and move on without an apology.
take nothing personal, but take no shit
Never allow someone to treat you in a way you wouldn't treat yourself

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Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a bad ass, non-new-age, private Facebook group where we talk about real life self-love, self-awareness, and self-trust.

 

Self-Help, Is It Really Helping You?

Self-Help, Is It Really Helping You?

For 17 years I was a good spiritual student and self-help junkie. I was well versed in concepts like self-love and self-worth. Concepts like “our thoughts create our reality” and “happiness is a choice” permeated much of my thinking. I had accepted everyone for where they were at, at their level of consciousness.

I believed unconditional love, forgiveness, and gratitude would deliver landslides of peace, joy, and abundance. I worked on my chakras. I had taken my inventory. “My stories” were not real. And, I knew none of this physical experience mattered anyway.

But what I learned the hard way was that none of this had anything to do with Love; that this was a backward way of trying to live from my heart. I was working on the connection to myself and ultimately something larger than Self, through my mind.

As a result, I had all the right intentions and concepts, but none of the right feelings. Good intentions + wrong feelings = spiritual junk-food.

What is this journey about?

In spiritual circles, it is well known that we are not just humans, but that we are souls having a human experience. We are unlimited beings here in manifestation having a temporary physical experience, and while all that is true, it’s just incomplete.

We are souls, creative life force energy who CHOSE to come here and have a human experience, which translates as this: none of this is an accident, including our criminal egos and broken hearts. There is not one part of being human that is flawed.

If we had only wanted a “true nature experience,” we would never have left or given up our “true nature” to come here.

But we did. And even if you believe that this was somehow just a Big-Bang accident and that the intricacies of our humanity and our planet are completely random, wouldn’t it feel more nourishing to be of service to Love through the gift of our humanity as opposed to resisting it?

In order to connect with that which we are – which is love, the illusion of separation is essential.

Without physical form, we are just Universe or Source energy that can’t experience herself.

Human reality is one glorious hodgepodge of magnificent, heartbreaking, heart-opening, messiness and chaos for a reason – to gift us the opportunity to open our hearts in the most impossible and heartbreaking situations – especially with ourselves.

As people who are “waking up,” it’s easy to get caught up in the madness of chasing empowerment, escaping our denser energetic bodies and battling the craziness of our minds. All more ego – just spiritually acceptable ego and a way to stand in further judgment and dissociation of our natural processes.

As intelligent, bright and masterful women, we’ve been jammed up into our headspace with more education at the expense of learning how to be vulnerable and more loving with ourselves –– which is, in fact, the only way to heal and access deep, abiding, soulful, love and compassion.

We’ve put an extraordinary amount of focus on our egos and limiting beliefs, which are actually messengers for our broken hearts. We’ve placed high-minded ideals above understanding the relational, developmental, and conditional aspects of being human which create more shame and frustration because we are constantly striving to achieve another level of “I have to stop something or muscle through something or be something, to get somewhere” which the ego loves.

But what if we could start creating our lives through learning how to open our hearts more?

What if our wounds and pain-points and triggers were the only way to learn how to be vulnerable with ourselves and access compassion?

The limiting “stories” we tell ourselves, the “ways of being” that aren’t working for us, are really just a tender, unhealed part of us waiting to finally be seen, loved, and integrated.

The rumination of the mind is a distraction technique to keep us from sinking down into our bodies and allowing the uncomfortable messages from our disowned beliefs and feelings to come up and guide us into internal release and healing.

We can “master our mind” and re-frame all day, but it doesn’t always address the core disconnection with our hearts and our deepest wounds. (We all have core wounds and imprints from our childhood, it’s how we internalize not getting our relational needs met and fear.)

If we want to learn to trust ourselves and connect with our heart and “true self”, we have to learn to communicate the way our heart and soul speak. We need to learn how to make peace with our broken, tender, humanity ––  this is the breeding ground for true vulnerability, trust, and compassion with ourselves.

A little powerfully true but overlooked law: What you resist persists but what you love rises above.

The only way to experience life through the purity of our spirit is through the demonstration and reception of what we are, which is Love. Which translates as truth, compassion, patience, honesty, and acceptance of all aspects of the Wholehuman™ experience.

The sooner we can learn to love it all, the sooner you will start to experience the Love you are made of, the sooner you will start to feel connected to yourself and something larger than your Self in a way that has you crying tears of bliss “It’s so freaking simple and so obvious, I love it all. I am love because I love.”

Where are you going to love yourself more today??

Light and Love

Megyn

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

 

What If Your Criminal Ego Wasn’t The Problem?

What If Your Criminal Ego Wasn’t The Problem?

What if we were approaching life backward? What if trying to work on the mind, our thoughts and dysfunctional egos were actually adding to the disconnect, to the fear, to the pain we sense in our lives?

What if instead, we learned what our heart and soul were trying to tell us through our emotions and feelings and stopped rationalizing or suppressing them?

What if we embraced unconditionally all our vulnerabilities, darkness, limitations, hurt and pain? Do you think this would create a sacred, unconditionally loving place for your heart to be heard so you could heal the disconnect that strengthened your alter ego, that allowed the ego mind to run the show?

Do you think that resisting the smallness of the ego will solve the problem? Do you think that judging our lower egoic impulses will make them go away?

Or do you think that we could transcend these lower frequencies of being human by healing what is causing the problem in the first place?

An alter ego is only empowered by disowned parts of Self, by unhealed and trapped emotions that lower our frequency and get triggered because they have never been released.

When we can hold a sacred space to healthfully honor our uncomfortable and sticky emotions we create a clearing for our intuition – our heart’s higher directive, and then in turn learn to observe and not react from our ego.

The beautiful spiritual practices of self love, self forgiveness and acceptance are only powerful when they are integrated into a way of being, and denying our human-beingness through self ridicule, denial or disassociation is not spiritual. This is not self love.

The higher self wants us to be human, that is why we are here. And the difference between being human and being – oh let’s say a robot, is our emotions. They are the bridge to your wholeness, to your soul and to your intuition.

More thoughts to come…

Light and Love

Megyn

 

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

A Healthy Body Starts With A Healthy Mind

A Healthy Body Starts With A Healthy Mind

a healthy body starts with a healthy mind

Years ago I thought what I put into my body: the food, the effort, the meticulous discipline with exercise, was all I needed to be healthy. I found out it was the other way around — It was more about being happy from the inside out and spiritually connected, and then allowing the food, the discipline, and the body to come from inner health.

Don’t mistake what I mean, health is the foundation for enjoying all experiences in life. If you want to feel creative, lit-up, loving, vibrant, peaceful, plugged in, passionate, whole and connected — being healthy is essential. This is why trying to stay fit, healthy, and aware of the signals my body is giving me is something I am passionate about. You can’t enjoy or partake fully in anything if your body is rebelling against you.

But what if being healthy actually started with your basic psychology and spirituality and not with what you put in your mouth?

What if the reason you don’t eat well, don’t feel well, feel run-down and have health issues are not a problem with the food or calories you are eating as much as they are about the relationship you have with yourself? Do you think that if we valued our lives more we would be more inclined to take care of ourselves? To do the things we know make us feel healthy?

I know you all have met or at least heard the story of the person who, suddenly confronted with his own mortality through illness such as a cancer diagnosis, radically alters their lifestyle taking charge of their health in every way possible, promising never to take their body for granted again. They purposefully take charge of their life no longer able to tolerate denial and unhealthy rationalizations. It is because their values and attentions shift.

When I realized my desire was to live an outstanding life — spiritually, emotionally and physically and that all three were contingent upon the other, I set out to change my habits and behaviors that weren’t serving this purpose. 

Health became a more holistic way of being, one which was in integrity with my desires, as opposed to work or trying to reach some new benchmark. My individual needs for feeling healthy were a priority — not trying to fit into some dietary dogma, or body type.

Being present to the guidance that our hearts and bodies want us to see and acting from a place of kindness towards our bodies, creates the space for true health to manifest. When we stay open to our deep soul nudges, and focus on being happy, connected and fulfilled from the inside out, health is part of the path.

What about you? Have you taken care of one aspect of your health, only to neglect the other? How has physical health changed your emotional or spiritual well being?

 

 

The way to let go of resentments that works every time!

The way to let go of resentments that works every time!

Seeing how resentments show up in our life can be tremendously freeing and powerful.

As people look to up-level their relationships in the world and with themselves – forgiveness is an essential step forward.

It allows us to free up the flow of loving energy that yearns to be embodied in our lives. However, before we can forgive – we must let go of resentments.

Even the most spiritual of us have resentments from time to time. It’s a natural part of being human.

There is no reason to feel bad or shame yourself. That isn’t productive. Being aware of how you process forgiveness is essential.

True forgiveness comes from processing responsibility, lessons, and emotions, then we have wisdom and can leave the pain behind.

Here is the simplest way I know to let go of resentments.

I find that whatever situation I am having difficulty releasing – it is because somewhere, somehow I gave away my power. When I look at how I can change; how I can show up more directly, honestly, and authentically in future situations, then I don’t feel like the victim.

Where did I not stand up for myself? Where did I not listen to my intuition? Where did I get weak on setting a healthy boundary? Did I not speak up for my feelings? Was I people pleasing, or looking for validation from the person or circumstance? Was I not showing up for myself?

That is it. It’s radically simple. It is also radically responsible.

From this awareness, we can see how we are actually the source of our resentment. Then the next step is actually forgiving ourselves. If we can see how we showed up in the situation that wasn’t true to our heart, we can make a promise to change how we behave, act, and engage in the future.

This simple awareness is the access to getting back your power and real forgiveness.

Resentment is not about the person or circumstance outside of us, it’s always about how we showed up.

Light and Love

Megyn

Read: How to forgive and move on without an apology

 

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

Life Is A Journey

Life Is A Journey

Whatever pain you are going through, no matter what challenges you face, know this:  It’s divinely orchestrated. For what good right now?  We don’t know, but we trust that the pain or discomfort is for a reason.

Sometimes discomfort is a sign that something has to change or a new path should be explored. Be grateful, this could be a lesson in trusting your intuition.  True strength sometimes is in letting go.

Sometimes the situation or the person that means the most to you, that you thought would remain for life, is just a shadow, just a prologue of something better to come.  As the author John Steinbeck said, “Don’t worry about losing. Nothing good gets away.”

Pain and anxiety can be a mirror to show you your blind spots and obstacles. Envy can be a compass, directing you to your hearts desires, asking you to dare to reveal yourself fully to the world.

This isn’t Pollyanna optimism, it is how the universe is setup. “The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers” – M. Scott Peck.

Situations change,  awakenings precede growth, and new light comes in.

It is in these moments that you will have a choice. Notice – is there something you are holding on to that has become more work, more cumbersome, less uplifting? Reflect, what do you have the power to change? What are you willing to let go of? Where are you willing to bend? Where can you show up more fully with more integrity – more “whole heartedly.”

Today you have a choice: Youcan co-create and redirect.  You can choose new doors.

 

You can want what you want without permission.

 

You can stop trying to control outcomes, and just trust. Trust in yourself and your deepest desires. They aren’t in you by accident.

 

You can connect to the Love that you are, and embrace the endless possibilities of your life.

 

You are valuable.

 

This video went viral a few years ago but I think it’s with posting.  For whatever life you are going to live,  if you are going to be here doing the work already, why not make it the best life you can and love and live whole heartedly.

 

MB

 

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

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