Love your broken heart: It’s how the Light gets in.

Love your broken heart: It’s how the Light gets in.

I overheard a “Dr.”, presumably a psychologist, asking people to sign up for her course on getting over breakups so they could “never have their heart broken again.”

On the spiritual side of things I read quotes like “no one can hurt you” which is a great example of the simplistic, reductive, and one-dimensional misrepresentations of the Wholehuman experience.

The commodification of pop-psychology, self-help, and spirituality have produced “teachers,” “seekers,” and authors that regurgitate misinformation out of the wholehuman context – espousing high-minded ideals at the expense of understanding the relational, developmental, and conditional aspects of being human.

Shares and likes and followers, sellable soundbites, and towing a “spiritual line” seem to be more important than the complex, nuanced, multidimensional, and often messy Truth of human relationships.

On a stripped down basic level we are all trying desperately not to get our hearts broken by other people, by life, and by ourselves. But the fact of the matter is, if we are truly living, open, and vulnerable, embodied and integrated — our hearts will be broken over and over again.

Not only because of the loss of a loved one, or when a dream dies, or when another human being does something hurtful, but because when we are committed to the Truth and seeing our responsibility and in devotion to Love, it is inevitable that we will have to let go of aspects and ideas of ourselves that just don’t work anymore.

And another layer of bullshit to shed or another distortion we can’t take with us can sometimes equal sorrow, heartbreak, grief, and discomfort. 

While we are hardwired to avoid these things, they are actually essential to the demonstration and reception of our own love. They are THE access points for deep self-compassion.

I’ve seen time and time again in my own life and with the women I work with, when we embrace the parts of us or the wounds which have been unconsciously running the show, we can tenderly hold ourselves while we simultaneously grieve through letting go.

When we finally show up for our #wholehuman experience without shoving it to the side or calling it “not true” or dismissing it as some irrational “story,” the heart that breaks is the heart that opens and how the LOVE gets in.

All freaking love. All truth

Megyn

Tell me about your own heartbreak in the comments below. I love hearing from my readers!

heartbreak and heart opening are the same thing. How to heal your broken heart. Read more MegynBlanchard.com

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

Why “choosing happy” is making you miserable

Why “choosing happy” is making you miserable

 

I have never met anyone who would “choose unhappy.” Most of the people I interact with are looking for inner peace, happiness, and general feelings of ease and trust, and most of these people are STEEPED in personal empowerment and self-help.

Perception is a choice.

And even then, a miracle of “perception shift” must address the underlying, conditional, and relational wounding which has people feeling “safe” or more “significant” within their victim stories and perceptions.

“Happiness is a choice” is one of those reductive, overly simplistic self-help-spiritual platitudes that I have seen people use to create a more “enlightened” sense of self; to spiritually bypass core discomfort, which essentially creates more of what we are trying to heal: the disconnect between our mind, body, heart, and spirit.

Yes it is true, some people will use their negative emotions as an excuse to live in that space of “victimhood” or “inaction” but most often I find when you help the “seeker” find out what they are really feeling, underneath their persistent thoughts and emotions, then teach them how they can acknowledge, feel, and heal these beliefs and STILL love themselves, happiness usually has space to naturally flow in and out of one’s life without all the grasping, chasing, denying, and “shoulding” and all over one’s self.

Please, let’s not create more shame in people’s lives by over simplifying the #wholehuman experience.

All Love. All Truth

 

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

 

How to forgive when you don’t want to.

How to forgive when you don’t want to.

When the guru waving his spiritual wand says “Choose to forgive someone in order to set yourself free,” Does the decision to engage in forgiveness miraculously take the emotional juice away? No, not hardly.

When self-help authors espouse language like: “Who is more hurtful, the person who wronged you once, or you for reliving it over and over in your head?” Do you immediately stop thinking about the transgression or logically let it go without any feelings arising ever again? Probably not.

Unfortunately, the commodification of personal “empowerment” has portrayed forgiveness as something you simply choose to “set yourself free” or even worse, something that you “already are.”

But what most self-help and spiritual axioms are talking about when they speak of forgiveness, is actually releasing.

True forgiveness is a process of acceptance, love, and even gratitude for the transgression, either perpetrated by another or by ourselves.

Therefore, forgiveness is not a thought or an idea that we can just implement because we decide to; because we decide we want to “free ourselves,” or because we want to move on.

Forgiveness is a process of healing, whereby we honor, acknowledge, and release all the emotions, feelings, and beliefs brought up in the present moment that has more to do with stored grief material, and wounding from our conditioning (think childhood).

Forgiveness is a “greater understanding” that does not occur instantaneously. It is the end result of a choice to NOT be held hostage by self-judgment, or resentment towards another, and to begin a healing process so we can transcend lessons and grow.

True forgiveness, therefore, requires intention, attention, and time.

Just like the other high-minded spiritual abuses ideals: “you are already love, compassion, peace, and abundance. . . don’t you get it?” these concepts are true on a high-level, but the way in which they are presented is oversimplified, reductive, and does not represent the whole, complicated, messy, multidimensional truth of the human experience.

Humans are relational beings.

Like it or not the conditional, limited, dual-reality of our being here, gifts us with the vehicle to experience the experience of our eternal, love-based Self. Therefore, if we are wounded (we all are) the wounding is on the relational level, and as a result must be addressed and healed within relationship, primarily with ourselves.

The problem with this kind of language, is it dismisses the fact that the person sincerely wanting to create more fulfilling and peaceful lives, has an unconscious map of their world that prevents them from connecting to the compassionate, love-based, “eternal truths” of their nature so they can forgive, understand, and move on easily.

Blindly accessing love or forgiveness, or even simply engaging in a new belief without first reconnecting to and releasing the un-grieved debris or trauma that is re-opened up and festering in the current situation, has a consequence: the spiritual intellectual gets jammed up into his head further, dissociates more, and compartmentalizes away another layer of trauma only to relive the pain over and over again.

The unconscious patterns of recreation show up in our lives when we learn how to take the spiritual “high road,” before we learn how to truly address the core wound or belief.

Without first taking the time to honor, understand and build a bridge back to the fractured, wounded, hurt parts of our humanity, the genuine seeker will at best be muscling his way into feeling what he “thinks” he should believe, and eventually he will be confronted by his own shame, and sense of loneliness from the spiritual self-abandonment inherent in “choosing forgiveness.”

Important side-note, postscript, codicil: I say all of this as someone who forgave a person who I once thought was “unforgivable” and deeply believe that the restorative powers we are all looking for reside not in choosing forgiveness, but in the healing process of self-exploration and self-connection we take to get to forgiveness. For what most deeply lies beneath all of our resentments, hurts, wounds and traumas is essentially shame, therefore the person who is in most need of your forgiveness and compassion is YOU.

All Love

Megyn

Read: How to forgive and move on without an apology

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

 

The one thing you need to know about self-love

The one thing you need to know about self-love

I look back at times when I thought I had spiritual principles down like surrender and getting out of my own way and unconditional love, and I am astounded at how I didn’t get it, at how much more deeply I get it now, and how I can probably “get it” more in the future.

Self-love, self-worth, self-trust were conceptual for me, but not a way of being that filtered my life.

I still looked to outside circumstances and relationships for my validity, happiness, and okay-ness in the world. I still chronically self-abandoned and ignored my inner Knowing. I still couldn’t stand for and navigate life from a deep, abiding place of personal Truth –– then trust that life would organically shape itself around me in supportive and nourishing ways.

And then, as if miraculously, after 17 years of living “awake,” the perfect storm of chaos, depletion, and being sick of myself ushered in downloads of insight, as Wisdom whispered in my ear: “it’s time to be brutally honest with yourself, it’s time to admit things to yourself that you haven’t wanted to look at.”

I realized that I had been consuming personal empowerment at the expense of getting intimate with myself and my most honest citizen: fear. I realized that I was talking about “my stuff,” but that I was avoiding the pain inherent in healing. I realized that I still put the job of liking me in the world’s hands with its external cues of safety, security, and lovability.

And here is the really important part: I realized that just because I was living “awake” didn’t mean it was all rainbows and perfect love all the time.

Self-love doesn’t mean we won’t ever have to do anything we don’t enjoy doing again. It isn’t a shortcut to some grand finale. It isn’t a back-stage pass to a fireworks show. It doesn’t mean an existence without any setbacks or heartbreaks or struggle. There is no spiritual formula that will make us immune to being human.

But there is one profound difference now, that had not been there before: if the truth was that nothing was going to “save” me or guarantee outcomes or wash away my humanness, then what was the greatest gift I could give myself?

I could figure out how to fall in love with my life and with being fully human now; I could figure out how to get wholeheartedly intimate with all my darkness and face my pain without making it life’s job to soothe me or give me permission. And I could figure out a way to show myself endless compassion, even when my mind tried to tell me “things should be different.”

Everything is purposeful on some level; it’s all a journey into a deeper unfolding where we keep being shown more Grace, more love, and more light filled truths when we act in ways that ultimately service our own unique “spark of God.” (isn’t that beautiful? It’s from one of my most special friends Morgan Wade)

The big gift or secret we’re all looking for is a promise from ourselves to never abandon ourselves; to listen to our own knowing, to honor our unique Truths all the time even when it doesn’t make sense.

Wholeness and self-love are not new-age paradigms you pursue to get the “gifts” of life or to outsmart your humanity. THE GIFT you get is union with your most honest self, so you can enjoy your human journey without having to wait for some love, some arrival, some status or some outside situation to let you know you are loved and you are okay.

All Love

Megyn

beware of the self-love self entitlement pitfall. Read more about this spiritual trap
life is not an arrival.
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

 

How to make peace with where you are now (hint: you are not broken)

How to make peace with where you are now (hint: you are not broken)

This is the biggest struggle I see my clients dealing with: they think they are supposed to arrive at some “enlightened”, perfectly-happy-utopian-place, and reside there all the time.

They think bliss and euphoria are a constant state. They believe they should never make a mistake, or have a negative thought, or be triggered again.

The problem is we look up to guides, teachers, and thought leaders and put them on pedestals, or make them superhuman. This is especially true in the age of social media where we are seeing snippets of people’s lives.

We hear about their profound insights and it’s easy to get caught up in the illusion that there is a journey from point A to point B. But, there is no point B, there is only the experience of the journey. We just get to decide how we want this experience to go.

Spirituality, Law of Attraction, and self-help can be a slippery slope into muscling through our mind’s acrobatics; into sidestepping the conditional and relational truths of being human, which leaves us further disconnected from ourselves.

The journey of being a soul having a human experience is about finding our light and our divinity through our humanity, not through escaping it.

The difference is, in transformation, we learn how to be with ourselves instead of avoiding ourselves. We learn how to love ourselves, without relying on the external world to tell us when we are lovable. To that end, perfection is an illusion and inevitably there will be pivots, shifts, breakdowns, and emptying out periods as we discover deeper and deeper connections with our own love and truth.

The practice: love yourself through everything you are experiencing.

Destruction of old identities, coping mechanisms, and avoidance techniques is not comfortable! Revolution is messy! Don’t shame yourself or your process. Learn to really TRUST your messy, confused, pissed off, lonely, and angry. They are showing you things, primarily where to show up for yourself more honestly, and wholeheartedly.

This is the only way. To accept and love it all. And through your non-resistance comes peace and clearings, and more profound levels of love and connection with yourself.

The truth is you have to fall off track a few times to realize where you want to be; you have to be so sick of your own shit that you become willing to do the uncomfortable work.

No one said this path was easy. If it was, everyone would do it.

All Love,

Megyn

You have to fall of track a few times. visit www.megynblanchard.com for a free self love e course
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.

 

There is nothing wrong with you (But first you must accept this Truth!)

There is nothing wrong with you (But first you must accept this Truth!)

I meet a lot of people who are convinced there is something “wrong” with them because they’ve “tried everything” and they still have bad days, feel lost, feel sad or depressed at times, and as a result, have decided they are broken (shame).

They continue to amass encyclopedic knowledge in “my shit,” self-help, and personal empowerment; they seek out gurus, see therapists, shamans, and energy healers, and blame 5th dimension connections and karmic contracts on their aches and pains.

I get it. When you feel lost and broken down you want it to go away. Not tomorrow, but yesterday. The teeny-weeny problem is. . .

When we go into hyperdrive “I’ve got to fix, change, or transcend” mode it’s like an addict going for alcohol to avoid the discomfort of living: looking to external “gurus”, answers, connections, and concoctions to fill our voids, our minds, and our disconnected hearts.

As a reformed self-help junkie and positive Pollyanna, my drug of choice was “fixing” my “thoughts.” And after all the ego observations, positive affirmations, and identification of “my stories”, I was still just as lost, disembodied, repressed, and numbed out.

I had no clue how to be vulnerable, how to be authentic, or how to deeply connect with myself.

I was a spiritual intellectual traumatized by the total abandonment of self.

The problem with all these well-intentioned coaching, spiritual, and healing paradigms is we are often sidestepping the internal cues, signposts, and exquisite bodily messages in the present moment. We are often looking for secrets that exist outside of ourselves at the expense of leaning into our deepest self – who might have a lot to say if she’s never been listened to.

We don’t heal our source wounds and self-worth issues by denying the feelings and experiences we feel in our core — that lie underneath the crazy stories of our mind.

We don’t align with our eternal nature: love, by dissociating from pain, hurt, and trauma — these are guideposts that something is out of sync in our lives.

We don’t erase our limiting, ego, fear based beliefs through simply being the “observer” or the “space” —  these are our relational and developmental survival mechanisms that must be healed in relationship to being human.

We don’t get a deeper connection to ourselves and create more meaningful lives by calling part of our human experience “an illusion”, “not true”, or “not real.” It’s all real, here, now, at this time, it’s just not the only thing that’s real.

Spirituality and personal empowerment can be a slippery slope into muscling our way into believing what we THINK we should believe.

Our triggers, the “stories”, and our “criminal egos” are an invitation to connect with ourselves on much deeper levels and look at the messages inherent in our pain.

They are access points to disowned truths.

They are passageways to emotional intimacy with ourselves and with others through vulnerability and honesty.

The fact of the matter is we reside here in human form for a reason: to experience the experience of ourselves; to delight in our true nature through resonance in human form.

And the only way to match our lives with that which we desire is to BECOME the deepest, truest, most honest versions of love we can be, which is through loving our humanity, not through discarding it.

If we want to feel and receive and experience the gifts of love, truth, trust, peace, and meaning, then we have to learn how to connect with the essence of our being (love) through communicating the way our heart and soul speaks: unbridled, unrestricted, all-encompassing, compassion and love. Which has nothing to do with resistance, forcing a positive thought, calling an experience not real, or muscling our way into better “thinking.”

We aren’t going to find what we are “looking for” through not loving all of what WE ARE.

Fall in love with your paradoxical nature. Fall in love with being Human. Show up for your whole self and feel the love and truth you’ve been disconnected from.

All Love,

Megyn

SAY YES TO UNCOMMON TRUTHS, LESS WOO-WOO, AND MORE HUMAN!

Really it's all about experiencing as much joy, trust and love as we possibly can, while still being fully in our lives. My promise, is to give you thoughtful, practical and unconventional advice.

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