Love your broken heart: It’s how the Light gets in.

Love your broken heart: It’s how the Light gets in.

I overheard a “Dr.”, presumably a psychologist, asking people to sign up for her course on getting over breakups so they could “never have their heart broken again.”

On the spiritual side of things, I read quotes like “no one can hurt you” which is a great example of the simplistic, reductive, and one-dimensional misrepresentations of the human experience.

The commodification of pop-psychology, self-help, and spirituality have produced “teachers,” “seekers,” and authors that regurgitate misinformation out of the #wholehuman context – espousing high-minded ideals at the expense of understanding the relational, developmental, and conditional aspects of being human.

Shares and likes and followers, sellable soundbites, and towing a “spiritual line” seem to be more important than the complex, nuanced, multidimensional, and often messy Truth of human relationships.

On a stripped down, basic, level we are all trying desperately not to get our hearts broken by other people, by life, and by ourselves. But the fact of the matter is, if we are truly living, open and vulnerable, embodied and integrated — our hearts will be broken over and over again.

Not only because of external loss or when a dream dies or when another human being does something hurtful, but because when we are committed to the Truth and seeing our responsibility and in devotion to Love, it is inevitable that we will have to let go of aspects and ideas of ourselves that just don’t work anymore.

And another layer of bullshit to shed or another distortion we can’t take with us can sometimes equal sorrow, heartbreak, grief, and discomfort. 

While we are hardwired to avoid these things, they are actually essential to the demonstration and reception of our own love. They are THE access points for deep self-compassion.

I’ve seen time and time again in my own life and with the women I work with, when we embrace the parts of us or the wounds which have been unconsciously running the show, we can tenderly hold ourselves while we simultaneously grieve through letting go.

When we finally show up for our #wholehuman experience without shoving it to the side or calling it “not true” or dismissing it as some irrational “story,” the heart that breaks is the heart that opens and how the light gets in.

All freaking love. All truth

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

How to forgive when you don’t want to.

How to forgive when you don’t want to.

When the guru waving his spiritual wand says “Choose to forgive someone in order to set yourself free,” Does the decision to engage in forgiveness miraculously take the emotional juice away? No, not hardly.

When self-help authors espouse language like: “Who is more hurtful, the person who wronged you once, or you for reliving it over and over in your head?” Do you immediately stop thinking about the transgression or logically let it go without any feelings arising ever again? Probably not.

Unfortunately, the commodification of personal “empowerment” has portrayed forgiveness as something you simply choose to “set yourself free” or even worse, something that you “already are.”

But what most self-help and spiritual axioms are talking about when they speak of forgiveness, is actually releasing.

True forgiveness is a process of acceptance, love, and even gratitude for the transgression, either perpetrated by another or by ourselves.

Therefore, forgiveness is not a thought or an idea that we can just implement because we decide to; because we decide we want to “free ourselves,” or because we want to move on.

Forgiveness is a process of healing, whereby we honor, acknowledge, and release all the emotions, feelings, and beliefs brought up in the present moment that have more to do with stored grief material, and wounding from our conditioning (think childhood).

Forgiveness is a “greater understanding” that does not occur instantaneously. It is the end result of a choice to NOT be held hostage by self-judgment, or resentment towards another, and to begin a healing process so we can transcend lessons and grow.

True forgiveness, therefore, requires intention, attention, and time.

Just like the other high-minded spiritual abuses ideals: “you are already love, compassion, peace, and abundance. . . don’t you get it?” these concepts are true on a high-level, but the way in which they are presented is over simplified, reductive, and does not represent the whole, complicated, messy, multidimensional truth of the human experience.

Humans are relational beings.

Like it or not the conditional, limited, dual-reality of our being here, gifts us with the vehicle to experience the experience of our eternal, love based Self. Therefore, if we are wounded (we all are) the wounding is on the relational level, and as a result must be addressed and healed within relationship, primarily with ourselves.

The problem with this kind of language, is it dismisses the fact that the person sincerely wanting to create more fulfilling and peaceful lives, has an unconscious map of their world that prevents them from connecting to the compassionate, love based, “eternal truths” of their nature so they can forgive, understand, and move on easily.

Blindly accessing love or forgiveness, or even simply engaging in a new belief without first reconnecting to and releasing the un-grieved debris or trauma that is re-opened up and festering in the current situation, has a consequence: the spiritual intellectual gets jammed up into his head further, dissociates more, and compartmentalizes away another layer of trauma only to relive the pain over and over again.

The unconscious patterns of recreation show up in our lives when we learn how to take the spiritual “high road,” before we learn how to truly address the core wound or belief.

Without first taking the time to honor, understand and build a bridge back to the fractured, wounded, hurt parts of our humanity, the genuine seeker will at best be muscling his way into feeling what he “thinks” he should believe, and eventually he will be confronted by his own shame, and sense of loneliness from the spiritual self-abandonment inherent in “choosing forgiveness.”

Important side-note, postscript, codicil: I say all of this as someone who forgave a person who I once thought was “unforgivable” and deeply believe that the restorative powers we are all looking for reside not in choosing forgiveness, but in the healing process of self-exploration and self-connection we take to get to forgiveness. For what most deeply lies beneath all of our resentments, hurts, wounds and traumas is essentially shame, therefore the person who is in most need of your forgiveness and compassion is YOU.

All Love

Megyn

Read: How to forgive and move on without an apology
Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

 

There is nothing wrong with you (But first you must accept this Truth!)

There is nothing wrong with you (But first you must accept this Truth!)

I meet a lot of people who are convinced there is something “wrong” with them because they’ve “tried everything” and they still have bad days, feel lost, feel sad or depressed at times, and as a result, have decided they are broken (shame).

They continue to amass encyclopedic knowledge in “my shit,” self-help, and personal empowerment; they seek out gurus, see therapists, shamans, and energy healers, and blame 5th dimension connections and karmic contracts on their aches and pains.

I get it. When you feel lost and broken down you want it to go away. Not tomorrow, but yesterday. The teeny-weeny problem is. . .

When we go into hyperdrive “I’ve got to fix, change, or transcend” mode it’s like an addict going for alcohol to avoid the discomfort of living: looking to external “gurus”, answers, connections, and concoctions to fill our voids, our minds, and our disconnected hearts.

As a reformed self-help junkie and positive Pollyanna, my drug of choice was “fixing” my “thoughts.” And after all the ego observations, positive affirmations, and identification of “my stories”, I was still just as lost, disembodied, repressed, and numbed out.

I had no clue how to be vulnerable, how to be authentic, or how to deeply connect with myself.

I was a spiritual intellectual traumatized by the total abandonment of self.

The problem with all these well-intentioned coaching, spiritual, and healing paradigms is we are often sidestepping the internal cues, signposts, and exquisite bodily messages in the present moment. We are often looking for secrets that exist outside of ourselves at the expense of leaning into our deepest self – who might have a lot to say if she’s never been listened to.

We don’t heal our source wounds and self-worth issues by denying the feelings and experiences we feel in our core — that lie underneath the crazy stories of our mind.

We don’t align with our eternal nature: love, by dissociating from pain, hurt, and trauma — these are guideposts that something is out of sync in our lives.

We don’t erase our limiting, ego, fear based beliefs through simply being the “observer” or the “space” —  these are our relational and developmental survival mechanisms that must be healed in relationship to being human.

We don’t get a deeper connection to ourselves and create more meaningful lives by calling part of our human experience “an illusion”, “not true”, or “not real.” It’s all real, here, now, at this time, it’s just not the only thing that’s real.

Spirituality and personal empowerment can be a slippery slope into muscling our way into believing what we THINK we should believe.

Our triggers, the “stories”, and our “criminal egos” are an invitation to connect with ourselves on much deeper levels and look at the messages inherent in our pain.

They are access points to disowned truths.

They are passageways to emotional intimacy with ourselves and with others through vulnerability and honesty.

The fact of the matter is we reside here in human form for a reason: to experience the experience of ourselves; to delight in our true nature through resonance in human form.

And the only way to match our lives with that which we desire is to BECOME the deepest, truest, most honest versions of love we can be, which is through loving our humanity, not through discarding it.

If we want to feel and receive and experience the gifts of love, truth, trust, peace, and meaning, then we have to learn how to connect with the essence of our being (love) through communicating the way our heart and soul speaks: unbridled, unrestricted, all-encompassing, compassion and love. Which has nothing to do with resistance, forcing a positive thought, calling an experience not real, or muscling our way into better “thinking.”

We aren’t going to find what we are “looking for” through not loving all of what WE ARE.

Fall in love with your paradoxical nature. Fall in love with being Human. Show up for your whole self and feel the love and truth you’ve been disconnected from.

All Love,

Megyn

SAY YES TO UNCOMMON TRUTHS, LESS WOO-WOO, AND MORE HUMAN!

Really it's all about experiencing as much joy, trust and love as we possibly can, while still being fully in our lives. My promise, is to give you thoughtful, practical and unconventional advice.

How to forgive and move on without an apology – because some people are a**holes

How to forgive and move on without an apology – because some people are a**holes

I always wanted to believe that people were as honest, as sincere, and as apologetic as me. And that was the problem – I thought if I owned my stuff then you should own your stuff too. . . and apologize.

So I would allow people to stay in my life past the expiration date of the relationship, past the mutual growth opportunities, and play the role of surprised-victimized-over-giver-door-mat.

Then I got it: Don’t play with, engage, or argue with assholes, people committed to their illusions, or bad-behavior-participators. Ever!

Why? Because assholes never know they are assholes.

So what makes us think that we can make them realize they are behaving badly? Or acting unconsciously? Or being disrespectful? Or behaving with zero awareness of their impact on other people? Or justifying seriously lame, manipulative tactics to get back into our little corner of the world?

Before I understood boundaries, I thought it was my job to get someone to behave in a kind, respectful manner towards me.

I thought I should point out how they were manipulating, or how unloving and uncaring their behavior was – and then I would get an apology.

It only kept me entangled with said asshole. It actually gave the asshole more fuel for their fire because they had an in: they could keep coming back into my life, acting like an unconscious jerk over and over again because the door was always open. When in actuality, I turned into the asshole that had to make sure they knew they were wrong and or get them to rectify their behavior.

This is probably the biggest lesson I’ve ever learned:

In fact, said asshole, if he wasn’t an asshole, would know his behavior was borderline inhumane, disrespectful, manipulative or unkind and would quickly make amends without you nudging them, and they certainly wouldn’t continue to participate in said behavior.

Remaining entangled in depleting relationships or with people committed to their insanity. . . is insanity.

Trying to get someone to see or admit that what they did was wrong then be sorry for it (so we can feel better) is giving away our power.

Think about it like this: would you behave that unkindly? Unconsciously? Probably not.

Because you aren’t an asshole.

My inquiry into my realm of power was a rather stark realization that I was powerless over other people and that the best thing I could do was accept that said asshole was committed to their behavior and that I was suffocating my spirit and abusing my heart by waiting for them to wake up and NOT want to be an asshole.

When I accepted that I can’t change people, that this was actually codependent behavior, I was honestly relieved.

I could totally release all focus on them and look at my healing responsibility in the situation. I could settle into what I really believed to be good, kind, respectful behavior and then live in integrity with that in my own life, without trying to get everyone else to believe or behave at with the same values and standards.

Translation: I own up to my side of the street and where my power starts and stops, then discern who fits into my life without making it about them, but rather making it about my commitment to myself and my heart.

This is actually when you are most powerful: we heal codependent behavior when we stop relying on other people to make us feel better.

The warning is this, even when you take full responsibility for your side of the street, for said asshole being in your life and then discern it’s not working anymore without blaming them and then politely explain what is in integrity for you and that it just doesn’t fit any kind of relationship or entanglement with them, said asshole will probably never hear you.

But at least now you can move on without making it about someone else; just stick to your knowing about what is good and right in your life.

Share this with someone who could use some love from you.

All Love, All Truth,

Megyn

Read: How to forgive and move on without an apology
everyone has their own definition of love. How to forgive and move on without an apology.
take nothing personal, but take no shit
Never allow someone to treat you in a way you wouldn't treat yourself

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Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a bad ass, non-new-age, private Facebook group where we talk about real life self-love, self-awareness, and self-trust.

 

What If Your Criminal Ego Wasn’t The Problem?

What If Your Criminal Ego Wasn’t The Problem?

What if we were approaching life backward? What if trying to work on the mind, our thoughts and dysfunctional egos were actually adding to the disconnect, to the fear, to the pain we sense in our lives?

What if instead, we learned what our heart and soul were trying to tell us through our emotions and feelings and stopped rationalizing or suppressing them?

What if we embraced unconditionally all our vulnerabilities, darkness, limitations, hurt and pain? Do you think this would create a sacred, unconditionally loving place for your heart to be heard so you could heal the disconnect that strengthened your alter ego, that allowed the ego mind to run the show?

Do you think that resisting the smallness of the ego will solve the problem? Do you think that judging our lower egoic impulses will make them go away?

Or do you think that we could transcend these lower frequencies of being human by healing what is causing the problem in the first place?

An alter ego is only empowered by disowned parts of Self, by unhealed and trapped emotions that lower our frequency and get triggered because they have never been released.

When we can hold a sacred space to healthfully honor our uncomfortable and sticky emotions we create a clearing for our intuition – our heart’s higher directive, and then in turn learn to observe and not react from our ego.

The beautiful spiritual practices of self love, self forgiveness and acceptance are only powerful when they are integrated into a way of being, and denying our human-beingness through self ridicule, denial or disassociation is not spiritual. This is not self love.

The higher self wants us to be human, that is why we are here. And the difference between being human and being – oh let’s say a robot, is our emotions. They are the bridge to your wholeness, to your soul and to your intuition.

More thoughts to come…

Light and Love

Megyn

 

Megyn Blanchard

Megyn Blanchard

Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach

My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.

A Healthy Body Starts With A Healthy Mind

A Healthy Body Starts With A Healthy Mind

a healthy body starts with a healthy mind

Years ago I thought what I put into my body: the food, the effort, the meticulous discipline with exercise, was all I needed to be healthy. I found out it was the other way around — It was more about being happy from the inside out and spiritually connected, and then allowing the food, the discipline, and the body to come from inner health.

Don’t mistake what I mean, health is the foundation for enjoying all experiences in life. If you want to feel creative, lit-up, loving, vibrant, peaceful, plugged in, passionate, whole and connected — being healthy is essential. This is why trying to stay fit, healthy, and aware of the signals my body is giving me is something I am passionate about. You can’t enjoy or partake fully in anything if your body is rebelling against you.

But what if being healthy actually started with your basic psychology and spirituality and not with what you put in your mouth?

What if the reason you don’t eat well, don’t feel well, feel run-down and have health issues are not a problem with the food or calories you are eating as much as they are about the relationship you have with yourself? Do you think that if we valued our lives more we would be more inclined to take care of ourselves? To do the things we know make us feel healthy?

I know you all have met or at least heard the story of the person who, suddenly confronted with his own mortality through illness such as a cancer diagnosis, radically alters their lifestyle taking charge of their health in every way possible, promising never to take their body for granted again. They purposefully take charge of their life no longer able to tolerate denial and unhealthy rationalizations. It is because their values and attentions shift.

When I realized my desire was to live an outstanding life — spiritually, emotionally and physically and that all three were contingent upon the other, I set out to change my habits and behaviors that weren’t serving this purpose. 

Health became a more holistic way of being, one which was in integrity with my desires, as opposed to work or trying to reach some new benchmark. My individual needs for feeling healthy were a priority — not trying to fit into some dietary dogma, or body type.

Being present to the guidance that our hearts and bodies want us to see and acting from a place of kindness towards our bodies, creates the space for true health to manifest. When we stay open to our deep soul nudges, and focus on being happy, connected and fulfilled from the inside out, health is part of the path.

What about you? Have you taken care of one aspect of your health, only to neglect the other? How has physical health changed your emotional or spiritual well being?

 

 

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