The most important thing you’ll ever do: Learn how to trust yourself
Trust yourself. Trust yourself. Just. Trust. Your. Self.
As people on “the path” to purposeful living self-trust is THE most important tool in our empowerment toolbox.
Yet it remains the most difficult principle to put into practice.
Trust is at the root of everything we want in our lives. It drives deep passions and revolutionary ideas forward. It sustains relationships, intimacy, tribes, and communities.
Trust is behind surrender, letting go, following your heart, listening to your intuition. It is the foundation of self-esteem and self-love: trust that you are enough, trust you deserve to be seen, trust that this is the next right move, trust that this is over.
Trust is more than faith.
It’s a deep knowing and rootedness in our Truth, in our hearts, and in our Life’s path. It’s a feeling that knows the Light is supporting us in powerful ways, beyond our physical understanding. So why is it so hard to trust ourselves and how do we do it more?
We’re taught from a young age how to navigate our power, our desires, self-worth, and even our feelings through our rational minds. Then we learn how to be empowered co-creators through studying our stories and re-framing our thoughts – which just jams us up into our heads further.
Whether accidentally or purposefully we’re bypassing our core humanness –– we don’t fully operate with all our intelligences integrated, turned on and working together. It causes an internal struggle or a wrestling match that rages on between the powerful machinery of our minds and our highest or most loving and wise Self.
The two, rarely, if ever, completely agree.
It’s time to look at the whole picture of being a Wholehuman™.
It’s one thing to attend seminars, read books, and comprehend the conversations around self-love, self-awareness, and personal power but it’s a totally different thing to have that internal, loving compass be our day-to-day filter through which we navigate our lives and our most meaningful relationships.
If you’ve been around for any length of time, you know that this is the core of what I speak to; my spiritual bone if you will.
After 17 years of being a mindful devotee of self-love and a no-fly-zone for negative thoughts, I had one of those gloriously painful, existential moments, fetal, on the bedroom floor. The kind where your wisdom faerie shows up and whispers things to you that you know you already know: “Trust yourself, you are valuable and worthy and taken care of by a force of Love greater than this mess.”
Then why do I feel like a needy, desperate, crack addict? Show me what I’m doing wrong?
The answer I heard that day, whether it was divinely downloaded or time I had to get it right from so many years of doing it wrong was this: “You don’t trust yourself because you aren’t showing up for your Self. You are consuming spiritual concepts, personal empowerment, and concepts of love through your head. You are not just your mind or ego. You are a soul who chose to have a human experience, so accept what it means to be human – you have to feel to heal.”
So I stayed there, on the floor, for about three months (okay not literally, more like three months intermittently) and felt everything my ashamed mind had ever told me not to feel — with compassion and reverence. It felt like I was coming home.
How can we trust ourselves, trust we are enough, and trust our hearts, if we are not a safe space for being human?
When looking at our lives and the limiting, toxic, or “negative” patterns that keep showing up, we’re taught that if negative thoughts and emotions are just obliterated with proper translation and higher perspective then the emotional juice will go away.
Not true. Not even close to true.
This exactly exacerbates the problem with trusting ourselves.
Sure, it might work for a while. You might be able to rally behind your higher self or act your way into right thinking for a stretch, but then you find yourself in the same limiting patterns, with the same emotional triggers, confronted by the same lack of trust, despair, and confusion.
With years and years of practice, we might quell the demons of self-doubt; we might squash the discomfort of not knowing, but it actually doesn’t help with reconnecting to our hearts, integration, and deep self-love, all of which are needed to breed trust with our core.
The last I checked, humans were not a Divine mistake.
Our minds, our thoughts, our powerful egos, are just access points. They are guides into our hidden beliefs and coping mechanisms. But we are never going to heal our “wounds” and spiritual dis-ease if we keep dismissing the mind’s creations as “not real”, “not true”, or illusory.
Logic doesn’t work on suppressed, emotional conditioning and imprinting.
Muscling your way into believing what you “think” you should believe, is insanity.
This disconnect; this sidestepping of human wounding and truths, is exactly why we don’t trust ourselves. It’s a subtle form of self-abandonment. When was the last time you felt deeply connected to and trusted someone who only told half-truths?; Who only showed you their most polished representative?
That’s right. Never!
Deeply knowing your Truth and in turn trusting it are about integrating all the disowned, messy aspects of being human so that your heart can start to feel safe, seen, and heard.
The “negative” emotions and thoughts that so many of us deny, re-frame or run from, are the most tender part of ourselves showing up as signals that something needs to be healed, released, and renewed.
Our souls will bring us opportunities over and over again to address the debris in the way of our essential nature; as opportunities to live from our worth, from our value and from our hearts.
Next time you are emotionally triggered, deep in obsessive thinking, playing out world war 3 in your head, try asking yourself this simple question: “Hey, what are you feeling and experiencing right now?” “What do you need from me?” “What are you most afraid to say, to speak up for, to express?”
If you can be compassionate and patient, you will get an answer back. Don’t judge it. Listen to it.
Instead of immediately making yourself wrong or numbing out, say back to yourself, “I know you are scared, want to be heard, don’t feel supported, feel dismissed, want this to work out, and it’s okay.” “I love you, I cherish you, and I adore you anyway.” “This is a safe space to feel, and I am not leaving you.”
See what happens. Now. Over the next few days.
You might just start to trust yourself.
All Love. All truth.
Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach
My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a bad ass, non-new-age, private Facebook group where we talk about real life self-love, self-awareness, and self-trust.