Stop choosing relationships from your wounds!
When in relationship to life and as a result other human beings, your soul pulls you toward the maximum growth potential for expansion, love, and union — this is why romantic relationships are such catalysts for change and so intoxicating.
But until we’ve cultivated an intimate, integrated, whole relationship from within, we will (mostly unconsciously) create toxic relationships with people who can’t meet us and who don’t truly love us.
We will chase, pine for, and hold on too tightly to people and circumstances that show us where our self-love gaps are; we will be drawn to mirrors of the potential we’ve yet to discover within.
We will get instant gratification and falling-in-love-highs confused with genuine respect, admiration, and compatibility. We will “fall in love” with how people make us feel as opposed to liking someone in their totality, and then consciously discerning “Does this relationship make sense?” “Is this match truly nourishing?” I know, not the romantic fairytale we’ve all been brainwashed by.
In order to choose people from our wholeness as opposed to our wounds; in order to unconditionally love and see people clearly, without the obstruction of projections, fantasies, and expectations, we must deeply meet, see, and know ourselves. This is the foundation of all true intimacy.
Seeing ourselves is much more than working on mindset, or awareness of our “stories”, or “mastering our thoughts”, it’s an intimate channel with our vulnerabilities; it’s an open, honest, dialogue with our deepest, disowned, wounds, shadows, and soft spots, while practicing radical compassion, acceptance, and responsibility.
This means understanding the feelings and beliefs, which come from old conditioning, that hide underneath the thoughts and the emotions. It means not making ourselves “wrong” or “shifting perspective” or calling our experiences “not true” or “not real,” but an ability to sit with the discomfort of our raw, human, messiness while demonstrating a tenderness perhaps we’ve never experienced before.
This is not to say that choosing a relationship from our wounds is “bad” or “wrong,” but we will perpetually be dancing on the edge of communion with our soul. The purity of our spirit: love, peace, ease, trust, and expansion will always be just out of reach.
Whereas choosing from wholeness doesn’t imply there is no effort involved, or that we won’t feel hopeful, or get disappointed, or have our hearts broken, but the need to cling, chase, or grasp onto what has run its course, or was never a match in the first place falls away as we’ve become more deeply rooted from within.
Choose from wholeness, from the heart, from your wise-woman self and watch the miracles of love unfold.
If you find this concept confusing or aren’t sure if you are loving from your wounds; if you find yourself repeating the same toxic relationship dynamics, this is the work I do with women in private coaching and in the Wholehuman Tribe.
All love. All truth
Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach
My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet while I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Get exclusive love notes and for your eyes only updates, stock my Instagram, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness.