How to find your happy place when the shit is hitting the fan.
In spite of all our meditating, deep breathing and positive thinking, sometimes our best efforts to come back to center and “feel better” just don’t work. Sometimes the chaos, the stress, or the a@%hole on the freeway really do steal our serenity.
We’ve all been there, in between “What else can go wrong?”, “I’m not sure I can keep it together,” and the self-help fairies whispering in your ear: “Don’t stay in this place. You’ll attract more negativity into your life. You are bigger than this.”
The new-age, self-help paradigms that have us “choosing happiness” and monitoring our negative mind-stream are great for introducing us to our co-creative powers; they teach us that we aren’t necessarily “our stories,” but they are only ONE SMALL piece of the puzzle.
Too often teachings around “consciousness” and “empowerment” get recited, and regurgitated, and implemented in way which actually creates “spiritual by-passing” and self-abandonment. We dismiss the essential intelligences of what we deem negative, and never actually learn how to discover the deeper, disowned, Truths they are showing us.
Most people have never experienced what a non-judgmental, safe space feels like; most people have some trauma or conditioning that tells them they are safe, secure and loved when they are in control, happy and inspired; most of the women I’ve worked with have no clue how to access self-compassion. And as a result of all this self-help indoctrination, we unknowingly create more internal angst and shame because we don’t know how to get our intellectual lives to match up with our emotional experiences.
Maybe it’s time to learn how to have a glorious adult temper tantrum?
Here is how you do it.
Whether you have been betrayed, disrespected or overlooked — maybe just over worked, over tired, or simply over it, the essence is the same: your center is some far off distant land and you can feel the tension mounting in your body. You need to release some energy without making things worse, or putting someone in harms way.
Ball up your fists. Scrunch up your face a little bit. Start stomping your feet or pounding your pillow, then unleash your inner “five year old.” Really let her rip.
This is your opportunity to allow yourself the space to say and think all those things your highest self would never say and think.
“Who the fuckity-fuck-fuck?” “What the flying fuck?” “That two-faced-low-down-mangy-bi***”
I often find myself laughing or smiling in the middle of one of these conscious temper tantrums because very quickly the tension is released. I can hear myself saying things I KNOW are not true; that I don’t really believe, and it’s gloriously cleansing to not be super human for just a moment.
I promise the negativity trolls won’t come make your life miserable. You are not dis-empowering yourself by calling an asshole an asshole. Getting in touch with your five year old does not make you weak or unconscious or lower your vibration. And I promise you will feel lighter, loved, heard, and probably have a wonderful day.
The root of self-compassion is honoring and allowing every aspect of your experience to be heard, which is the only way to not bypass your “stuff” and get intimate with your wounding.
When we try to make our bodies, feelings, and emotional experiences different without releasing them, the emotions get stuck and saved into the “deal with later’ box.
Feeling our emotions and feelings actually ground us back into our bodies. One humongous, important reason why we have them.
Create a sacred, safe space for feeling and talking about your emotions.
- Get to know your tender parts intimately so they don’t get projected.
- Love the hurt, scared, fearful aspects of yourself without shame.
- Don’t immediately analyze or try to feel different in that moment.
- Love and acknowledge what is being shown to you.
- See if you can find the one within you who has reverence and unconditional love for the part of you that isn’t perfectly healed, conscious or positive.
- Save the higher perspective and positive affirmations for later.
Because we are human, and this journey is about being human, we must feel to heal.
Sacred containers to release emotions + no judgement = safe space, love, and a warm heart.
Light and Love
Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach
My commitment is to be as human with you as is humanly possible, over the internet as I breakdown overly simplistic, reductive, self-help, and empowerment teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my social meanderings, and come be a part of the most bad ass, non-new-agey, real-life, private Facebook group as I give weekly sermons on realtionships, self-love, and self-awareness. I believe in original goodness, the simplicity and clarity of truth, the liberation of personal respsonsibility, and the endless healing of love. I can’t wait to see you.