Are we here to learn lessons? –– My riff on this common spiritual myth
“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
One of the spiritual principles I push back on is this idea that we are here to “learn lessons.”
Inherently implied in this concept is that there are mistakes if we don’t “get it,” or a right and a wrong way to do things. Also, an unconditionally loving force that gifts us free will and then says, “let’s see if these crazy humans can get it right?” That’s trickery, not unconditional love, and I don’t think so.
Lessons, right and wrong, figuring it all out, punishment — these are fear-based human constructs projected on to a force we can’t and don’t understand.
It also tends to take people out of presence, acceptance, and surrender, (what Pema is really talking about in this quote) and puts them further into their heads, over analyzing and stressing, thinking that there is ONE RIGHT way to do Life before they can move past go and collect 200 dollars.
Really, truly, and oh-so-beautifully simplistically, is that you can’t really screw anything up. But you DO get to choose how you want this experience to go. Like what feeling or energy do you want to create your life from? What would you like to call forth more of? What patterns would you like to grow past or let go of?
So from this perspective, you can either make choices that are in alignment with your heart, with your truth, and with what you desire for your life, or that aren’t.
Your job then is to put one foot in front of the other, relaxing into and/or speaking up for the most honest truth in your life now.
This can sometimes be allowing feelings of despair, and grief, and sadness, and leaning into their beautiful messages of compassion and releasing. It can sometimes mean profound periods of not knowing and confusion. It can sometimes be periods of destruction and rebuilding. It can sometimes mean sparks of creativity and inspiration.
Non-resistance, acceptance, presence, and surrender will allow more room for grace, joy, and love to reside in the background of Life’s theater. When we aren’t pushing our ego’s agenda, or denying the messiness of what is, or imagining ourselves to be failures, and/or playing small and hiding (mostly from ourselves), we can show up for our Wholehuman experience, making clear and heart-nourishing choices, which enhances our relationship from within –– which builds TRUST, trust with ourselves, and with the mysteries of life and how she gently and sometimes forcefully ushers us forward.
Truth teller, Spiritual myth buster, Inner Relationship coach
My commitment is to be as human with you, as is humanly possible over the internet while I break down overly simplistic, reductive, self-help and spiritual teachings. Join me for monthly updates, stock my Instagram meanderings, and get access to the Wholehuman™ tribe, a soulful support tribe for real life healing, relationships, and self-love –– with a side of you’re a bad ass, we won’t let you forget it, and maybe some virtual booty dancing.